


The Unsung Ballad of Primarch Adrien Victus

by kwrites2222



Series: Kate Shepard [3]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, First Contact War, Victus backstory, all the feels, the world needs more Victus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-06-09 21:37:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 26
Words: 37,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6924367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwrites2222/pseuds/kwrites2222
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tried my hand at a non-canonical story for Primarch Victus because I really like his character in ME3 and wanted to delve more into what his life would have been like before the events of Mass Effect. I've searched for a backstory or more information than what we get from ME3, but couldn't find anything, so here's my go at it.<br/>Anyways, this diverts from the base story a bit. It's been sitting in my head as I've been writing the other fan fic and I had to get it out.</p><p>This has a ton of heartbreak and stays true to being a "ballad" for our favourite Primarch.</p><p>DISCLAIMER: The Mass Effect Universe, characters, and dialogue that were not created or written by me for the benefit of this story belong to Bioware.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Contact War

**Author's Note:**

> _“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, and penetrates walls to arrive at it’s destination, full of hope.”_  
>  – Maya Angelou

Lieutenant-Commander Anna Smith couldn’t remember the last time that she had run so quickly, but this was going to go down in history as the fastest a human had ever run… probably. She’d just watched the rest of her squad get killed, and she wasn’t about to let one of the birds put a bullet in her head.

Then again, she knew exactly what she was getting into when she’d volunteered to be part of the mission to Menae; she knew that she likely wouldn’t survive. It was so highly classified that only her squad and a few high-ranking officials actually knew about it. Actually finding out about the turian's operations base on Menae had been a huge step forward for the Alliance Navy, but getting there and infiltrating it was a whole other issue. The chance of failure was very high, but if the turians knew that the Alliance was aware of Menae, then it might give them pause… _maybe_.

The mission had been derailed when one of the junior officers had stepped outside for a piss and had immediately been spotted. Anna had barely enough time to grab her gun as she'd fled from their base, and she’d turned around to see the turian soldiers lining up her squad for execution. They’d fired a few shots in her direction, but none had pursued her. She didn’t blame them; she’d been on Menae only a few days and she already knew that there was a slim chance she’d survive on her own on the ragged moon.

She tripped on a stone and fell face-first into the dusty soil of Menae, sputtering.

“Fuck,” Anna spat, wiping the dirt from her mouth. She propped herself up on her elbows and sighed, turning her head to the left. There was a small opening carved into the rock; a perfect hiding spot for now. She crawled over to the opening and stuffed herself into it, checking over her gun and stuffing her face with one of her last remaining energy bars, sighing to herself as her hunger abated slightly.

“There’s one missing!”

Anna froze as she heard the turian voice. It was close. She held her breath and closed her eyes, praying that they wouldn’t find her.

Another turian swore under his breath, and her translator glitched, missing the word.

“Don’t just stand there! Find the bitch!”

That one caught in her translator, and she grit her teeth, swearing inwardly at the turians. She’d enlisted to see the galaxy, and help to keep the peace with whatever they encountered, but this? This war wasn’t what she wanted. She hated killing. She hated all of it.

“Footprints taper off here,” the first turian soldier was saying. It sounded like he was right outside of her cave.

“Shit. Maybe she found an entrance to the underground tunnels.”

“Hah! If she did, then she’ll soon be wishing that she was up here. She won’t last a day in the tunnels.”

“We should probably comm Arterius and tell him to get a patrol going.”

“He’ll be pissed that we lost her.”

“Not when he hears how we took out her squad. Besides, she’s not going anywhere. Might as well let the elements kill her off for us.”

“Arterius still isn’t going to be happy.”

“Hah! Trust me, it could be worse.”

Anna’s muscles were starting to cramp up from staying frozen for so long, but she stayed where she was, even as the footsteps retreated. The fear was all-engulfing now; the turians had been right… she’d more than likely die on Menae. The Alliance wouldn’t risk it to send a human ship to save just one soldier, especially since the mission that they had been on was basically a black op. She felt tears prick in her eyes, and she wiped them away hastily, finally relaxing her body. She was, literally, in between a rock and a hard place: either she surrendered and subjected herself to whatever the turians did to their POWs, let the elements take her out here, or end it now with her pistol. Either way, the outcome was likely death. Unless… she shook her head. There was no way that she could surrender and turn it into a survival situation – though her transponder may still be working. If there was a way that she could somehow get data back to the Alliance, then maybe she could help end this war… and maybe she’d survive.

Her heart hammered inside of her chest at the thought, but her brain was picking her idea apart: the birds would likely just shoot her on site. But… what if they didn’t? What if they took her prisoner? What if her transponder was still working? What if she could help the Alliance?

“ _Shut up!_ ” she screamed at herself. She meant it to be an inward scream, but it was aloud. She slapped a hand over her mouth, cursing at herself in her head for being so terribly foolish.

“Wait. Did you hear that?”

 _Shit. Shit. Shit._ Anna’s heart was pounding now. They’d heard her… they were going to find her. If they did, she’d shoot herself. That was it: her fate was decided.

“What? That shout?”

Their voices got louder and louder, and Anna willed herself to absorb into the wall of the cave.

“Yeah. Sounded like it came from over here.”

She closed her eyes and grasped for her weapon, but it wasn’t there. In her panic, her leg shot out of the opening and the turians spotted it immediately. As they dragged her, kicking and screaming, out of the cave, one delivered a blow to her head that knocked her out. The last thought that she had before she blacked out was something that she'd prayed would never cross her mind:

_This is where I’m going to die._


	2. I Piss People Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“Hell is empty and all the devils are here.”_   
>  – William Shakespeare, The Tempest

Victus could feel the cold eyes of the turian Councillor boring into him, but he couldn’t help but smile.

“Do you think that this is funny, Major?” the Primarch yelled.

“No, sir,” Victus answered.

“Then why are you smiling?" asked the Councillor.

“Nerves, sir.”

“Major Victus, are you aware as to why you’ve been called to this disciplinary hearing?”

Victus stared at the councillor and then at the Primarch, who were both glowering back at him. He hated diplomats.

“I’m aware as to why you feel the need to call a disciplinary hearing, though I don’t believe that my actions warrant discipline.”

The turian councillor looked as if his head was about to explode. “Major Victus, you are seriously trying my patience.”

The primarch sighed beside him, “General Arterius, thank you for being here.”

“Major Victus is one of the finest soldiers under my command. I’m here to ensure that this isn’t overlooked,” Desolas Arterius spoke up from beside Victus. Arterius put his hand on Victus’ shoulder supportively.

Victus recoiled slightly at the touch. It wasn’t that he didn’t like his commander, but there was just something about Arterius that repulsed him; the man was unassuming and had turned out to be a fair leader, but there was just… _something_ about him that rubbed Victus the wrong way, and Victus had learned to trust his gut.

“Of course not, General. We are aware that Major Victus has been an invaluable part of this military, but his actions at Shanxi are inexcusable,” the primarch continued, “the war with the humans has showed us that our military isn’t equipped to handle newcomers, and what the Major did at Shanxi has not helped matters.”

“I saved platoons of turian soldiers! The humans aren’t krogan: they don’t tow in asteroids or barrage us with sat strikes – they have big fucking bombs. It doesn’t matter that their weaponry doesn’t compare to ours. These bombs could implode entire moons. The ordnance that they have is staggering,” Victus retaliated.

“You went against orders and sacrificed your squad to uncover one of their labs. We didn’t even get the intel we needed about these bombs, and you failed to prove that such bombs even exist! You aren’t suited to command: you’re running blindly into situations that you have no idea about. You’re the same kind of gambling tactician that your father was, Adrien, and it is most unwelcome.”

“We have been at battle with the humans for a month, Primarch. We have horrible logistical issues that are costing us dearly, and the humans seem to crawl out of the ground like ants: if you kill one, two more take his place. Traditional tactics won’t be enough,” Victus insisted.

“We’ve had a major victory at Shanxi. The occupation of the colony is complete.”

Victus shook his head. “Don’t bet on it. The humans won’t give up so easily. I’ve fought them: you haven’t. They are ruthless and cunning, and they seem not to know the meaning of retreat. Once they’re dug in, they dig in even further, and they aren’t afraid of wasting bullets. You know how many I’ve dodged? But you can't dodge a bomb. We need to end this, and my tactics just might save us all, however unorthodox they may seem to you. And, besides, where the hell is the Council in this?”

The turian councillor shot him a cruel, cold look. “The Council is well aware of this conflict, believe me.”

“And what are you doing about it? You can’t expect the turian military to just continue wasting lives while you play footsie with the salarian and asari councillors,” Victus seethed.

“General Arterius, keep your man in line or I will have him dishonorably discharged this very instant. This insubordination will not stand!” the councillor shouted.

“Victus, please. Fall in line,” Arterius whispered.

Victus gave Arterius a narrowed-eye look, but straightened up and fell silent.

“Major Victus, this outburst, coupled with your actions and gross disregard for orders at Shanxi have forced our hand,” the primarch said, his jaw set, “We are moving you to an operations centre and training base on Menae. You’ll have a group of junior officers and new recruits to supervise and train, coupled with routine guard patrol over the high-security detention centre located within the base. Consider this lenient.”

“You can’t be serious!” Arterius exploded beside him, “A soldier of Victus’ caliber needs to be on the field, on the front lines! Put him in with one of the infantry units. Strip him of his rank if you must, but don’t sideline him.”

“General, I would ask that you refrain from any outbursts as well,” the primarch snapped, “That will be my last warning.”

Arterius ignored him. “This is bull shit! The humans will come back at us with everything they've got, and you’re going to take able-bodied soldiers _out_ of combat?”

Victus couldn't hide the surprise on his face; he'd never known Arterius to fly off the handle like that, especially at his superiors. The man usually was, if anything else, a bit of a suck-up when he was speaking to the higher ups, and this outburst was completely out of character. Victus wrote it off to the stress of the war. 

“General Arterius, you’re asking for reassignment to Menae as well. Would you like to explain to your unit how your own outburst has taken them from combat duty to patrol on Menae alongside Victus, please?” the primarch answered, his mandibles flaring furiously.

Arterius grumbled beside Victus, but his anger seemed to have subsided. “Whatever you feel is best, Primarch.”

“That’s it. Councillor, do you have anything else?”

“No.”

“Fine. Dismissed.”

Arterius stormed out of the hearing angrily, with Victus following behind him sullenly. _Menae_? He’d only heard things about the underground base there; it was where command sent traitors and defectors to be imprisoned indefinitely, and there was a state-of-the-art combat sim and training arena that rivaled Pinnacle Station.

“You all right, Major?” Arterius asked over his shoulder.

Victus shrugged, feeling defeated. “I’d rather be dodging bullets, sir.”

Arterius chuckled, releasing air through his teeth in a low hiss, “You and me both.”

He turned and stared at the primarch and councillor, who were walking in the opposite direction. “Some days I’d like to run this entire galaxy myself and deal those assholes the same hands that they deal us.”

“The turian councillor would still find a way to cheat at cards, sir.”

“Then we search his sleeves. They always keep their best tricks up their sleeves.”


	3. Society First, Platoon First, It's All Just Expected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“Some people strengthen their society just by being the kind of people they are.”_   
>  – John W. Gardner

Victus walked into the cafeteria of the underground super-structure on Menae. He had just come from his new job of coaching officers in combat sims, and he wasn’t sure if he was actually hungry, or just bored and eating just to eat. He would begin his guard duty in the detention centre next week, and he would have much preferred to continue coaching, but duty was duty, and he had to be a good turian. He had to show that he could follow orders. At least until the councillor and primarch forgot about him and focused their attention somewhere else. They seemed to have forgotten Arterius’ role in the entire thing, and were shipping him back and forth to battlefields and other bases; the General had been gone for a few weeks now. Victus had even heard a rumour about a classified mission to Shanxi.

He spotted some of his recruits, loudly speaking to each other at a table to the right of the line for food, and gave a nod of acknowledgement in their direction.

"Major Victus. Good to see you. May I ask you something, sir?” one of the recruits that had come up behind him in the line for food asked.

“Speak freely, Private.”

“Did you hear about that human woman they captured, sir?"

"Uh, yeah. They've been keeping her down in the holding cells, haven't they?"

"Yeah. They say she's a soldier, and a Lieutenant-Commander at that! Can you believe it?"

Victus stared at the young private. "You know, Saltus, I've heard rumours that human females are more fierce than males. Smarter, too. Kind of like what I've heard of female krogan."

"Really? Did you fight any human females when you were out in combat, sir?"

“I couldn’t tell.”

“I heard they caught her here on Menae. The humans aren’t supposed to know about this moon. Think she’s a spy?”

"Yeah. Probably why they're keeping her here on Menae. She's valuable."

Private Saltus shrugged and looked around the mess hall they were standing in. Spotting his squad, he waved and then dumped more goop on his tray. "Uh, Major Victus, you should come sit with us. I mean, if you’d like to. Sir."

"Thanks, Private, but I'm needed elsewhere."

"Yes, sir."

Victus smiled to himself as he watched the man run off and join his comrades, and then scooped another lump of what was passing for food onto his tray and set off towards the holding cells. Food during a war was always akin to shit. 

"Major Victus. A pleasure to see you again," a familiar voice from behind him said as he was nearing the detention centre.

"Captain Hequas. Likewise. I'd shake your hand, but mine are full. What brings you to Menae?"

"Not something I can speak about in public. Are you headed towards the detention centre?"

"Yes. I needed to grab something to eat. I haven't had a bite all day."

The Captain sniffed her nose at the food on his tray and clacked her mandibles against her face. "That looks awful."

"It actually tastes better than it looks. So why are you really here?" 

They'd reached the detention centre and cleared the checkpoint, the guard upturning his nose at Victus' tray.

Hequas sighed, "They want my help interrogating your human POW. She hasn't given anything up yet and Arterius is at his wits' end."

"Lieutenant Arterius?"

"No, not Saren. General Arterius."

Victus stiffened. So Desolas was back. It meant that she was incredible valuable. His curiosity piqued at the same time as a small hint of fear for the human’s well-being did: Desolas was known to be brutal when it came to interrogation tactics, and his past… victims… had a strange way of going missing or dying. Or, sometimes, worse.

"I hope you have something left to interrogate," Victus breathed.

Hequas stared at him. "Arterius isn't risking it with this one. He thinks she's got important Intel about a human raid on one of our supply lines. A raid that could give the humans the upper hand. He needs someone with a bit more... finesse to take things over for now."

"Well, I'm glad you're here, Linnea. Maybe you can show him that torture isn't always the answer."

Hequas smiled at him and they turned the corner towards where the human was being held. "Thanks. Glad to be here. When is your next deployment?"

"I'm not sure. They've grounded me for the time being."

"Ah. I figured as much. That little stunt you pulled back at Shanxi didn't earn you many favours with the higher-ups, Adrien."

"I saved many turian lives that day. If it weren't for me..."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me. I know you did the right thing, but it put a target on your back."

"Hence why they grounded me. You should have seen the primarch at my hearing: I’ve never seen the man so ruffled," Victus said, with an air of pride. Hell, how he hated diplomats.

"Too bad - we could use someone with your tactical sense right now. The humans are gaining on our ground forces, even with the kinds of weapons they use. Have you seen what they're using as guns?" Hequas laughed. 

"Captain Hequas! Thank you for coming," the voice of General Arterius boomed, filling the immediate area, cutting off Victus' thought. 

Hequas saluted him and then shook his outstretched hand. "General. Glad to assist."

They walked behind Arterius, who hadn't acknowledged Victus, into a small room. Victus studied Desolas carefully; the man was different, somehow. He seemed colder, harder, and the creepy feeling that Victus had always got from the General was even more intense. Victus looked away to avoid any eye contact.

On the one wall of the room was a two-way mirror looking into another dark room where the human was being kept. She was confined to a chair in the centre of the room and her head was hung. It looked like she was sleeping. 

Victus set his tray down on the table and moved towards the window, his eyes taking in the scene in front of him. Of course, he'd seen many humans, but it had all been exclusively down the barrel of a gun. Seeing the woman so vulnerable was almost frightening. He noticed that her face was bloodied and bruised, and it looked as if her shins had been kicked repeatedly. Her clothes were ripped and her hair was matted with blood. 

Captain Hequas inhaled sharply. "Damn, General... you sure she's not dead?"

"We're sure. My men have been unsupervised with her, but scans show she's still alive."

Victus inhaled sharply.

Hequas turned to Victus and he could see the disgust on her face. "Mind getting me a few things?"

"What do you need?" Victus asked. 

"Water, damp cloths, and some of the rations and medical supplies we recovered from the human’s camp. I'll also need a data pad."

"I'm on it," Victus said, rushing from the room. 

He hoped Hequas knew what she was doing. 

****

Victus returned with the items Hequas requested just as she was entering the room. She nodded at him to follow and he did so reluctantly. 

The woman was still slumped in the chair when they entered, but Victus could hear her slow breathing. As he got closer, he noticed her bruised lips and the trail of dried blood running from her nose. She reeked of sweat and copper. The red blood wasn't foreign to him; he'd seen many a human bleed during his time on the battlefields of Shanxi.

Hequas approached the woman carefully and pulled up another chair to face her. She sat and then placed a gentle hand on the woman's fleshy shoulder. 

"Wha-?" the human said groggily, her eyes fluttering open. When she began to focus on Hequas in front of her, she lurched in her seat and flinched visibly. Her eyes darted nervously between Hequas and Victus and he saw her clench her teeth. 

"Can you understand me?" Hequas asked. 

The human nodded, her teeth still clenched. 

"Good. I'm Captain Linnea Hequas and this is Major Adrien Victus. We just want to ask a few questions and treat some of your injuries."

Victus gave Hequas the water and a ration bar. He saw the woman's eyes widen and her body relaxed a little. 

Hequas continued, "I'm going to unshackle your hands so you can eat, but the major here will have to shoot you if you try anything, understand?"

The human nodded again, her eyes not leaving the food. Hequas gently reached out and unshackled the woman's wrists and neck and handed her the bar and cup of water. Victus tried not to notice the violent way the woman flinched when Hequas' fingers had brushed her skin. 

The human greedily downed the water and tore into the bar, inhaling it. She was obviously starving and dehydrated. Victus felt a pang of sympathy.

Hequas reached for the cloth in Victus's hands and held it up to show the woman. "I'm going to clean some of your wounds and then we have some medical supplies from your camp here to treat them so you don't get an infection."

The woman stopped eating and eyed Hequas suspiciously, stiff as a board, and winced again when Hequas began to use the cloth to clean a particularly bloody wound on the woman's knee. 

"What's your name?" Hequas asked. 

The woman gulped down the food in her mouth and cleared her throat, "Lieutenant-Commander Anna Smith. Alliance marines."

"Commander Smith, it's nice to meet you."

"Uh, likewise," Anna said, still eyeing Hequas with suspicion. She wouldn't even look at Victus. "I've never seen a female turian before."

"We're the brains of the operation," Hequas chuckled. 

"That's why they sent you in here? Did that old asshole give up? I'll tell you what I told him: I don't fucking _know_ anything. Even if I did, I'd rather get beat to death than let you birds get the advantage anyway," Anna spat. 

"General Arterius's men hit you?"

Anna was taken aback. She lowered her eyes and hung her head. "Yes," she whispered. 

"I'm sorry."

"Really?"

"Yes. I don't believe in violence to get information. I'm more interested in just talking. And I think you'd prefer it, too."

"Obviously. But you can talk all you want. I don't know anything."

Hequas sighed and continued to dab at Anna’s wounds. “I guess I’m just finding that hard to believe, Commander Smith.”

“Why?”

“You were here on an obviously secret recon mission. Menae is one of the best protected satellites in turian space; what were you doing here? How does the Alliance know about this moon?”

Anna hissed through grit teeth, “You killed everyone on my squad who knew everything. I wasn’t even XO, so I wasn’t… privy to all of the specifics of the mission.”

Hequas stood up and gave Anna a searching look. “Lieutenant-Commander…”

“Just kill me,” Anna said, “I’m no use to you.”

“That’s not going to happen,” Victus said, surprised at the strength of his own voice.

“Victus…” Hequas began.

“No. The humans already know about our base here on Menae. They could counterstrike if we assassinate her. She’s a Lieutenant-Commander, Linnea,” Victus replied.

“They won’t know she’s alive,” Hequas said, “How could they? They don’t have the technology.”

Anna let out a sudden burst of laughter, and both Victus and Hequas jumped and turned to her in surprise.

“Why are you laughing?” Victus asked.

“You have no idea about what we’re capable of. We may not be as advanced as you in some aspects, but in others we’re keeping up,” Anna said, coughing as she attempted to laugh once more.

“Do they know that you’re alive?”

“They might.”

Hequas gave Victus a weary look. “But you’re not certain?”

Anna looked at Hequas through narrowed eyes and chuckled again, but she didn’t say anything.

“I… guess we’re done for the day then, Commander Smith,” Hequas said, “I’ll see if we can get you better… uh, quarters.”

“Yeah,” Anna sniffed, “I’ll just… be here.”

Hequas nodded at Victus and he bent to gently shackle Anna’s wrists again. As he did, his eyes met Anna’s and he was struck by the intense blue-green of her irises. There was a slightly spark behind them, even after all she’d been through. The scrapes and bruises appalled him, and he was ashamed that his own people had inflicted such injustice upon her, even if she was the enemy.

But everything inside of him told him that she was not, in fact, his enemy. Not even close. Even after everything he'd been taught since birth that an enemy was an enemy, and a man's loyalty was always to the mission and his superiors. Regardless of the order, if it was given, it was obeyed. If his commander, his society, and his people were telling him that she was the enemy, then he was going to just have to accept that. But he couldn't. 

Anna closed her eyes and sighed, “Thanks… Adrien.”

A fleeting thought hit him then: perhaps he had something new to fight for.


	4. How Many Hearts Do Humans Have?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you.”_   
>  – Walter Winchell

Captain Hequas exited the interrogation room, and rubbed her hand across her face, looking defeated and tired.

“What are you thinking?” Victus asked under his breath.

She sighed and looked back through the window at Anna, who had slumped over and was sleeping again. “That this might be a very, very long road. That woman seems to have no will to live, and what Arterius’s men have done has only made her retreat even farther. She wouldn’t have trusted us anyways, but that just made it so much worse. I am going to have to report this to the Primarch and Palaven Command.”

“You may have undone some of the damage.”

“Unlikely, but thanks. I still feel that she knows something, though. Look, I have to ship out tomorrow morning, but I want you to keep an eye on her. She’s the key to figuring out what the hell the humans were doing here in the first place, and I don’t think that we’re going to get anywhere with her unless we treat her with some respect. Then, she might open up to us a little bit. Threatening her life is only what she wants: it will get us nowhere.”

“Agreed." 

“Can you coordinate having her moved into one of the more spacious cells in the hospital block? That’s under your supervision, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then make sure that she’s taken there, and don’t let Arterius or any of his goons near her. If you have any problems with them, let me know immediately, and I'll wrangle General Fedorian into this. He'll pull rank on Arterius. Besides, I’ll be back in a few days. In the meantime, see if you can talk to her. You have an… unassuming way about you. It might help to set us up to begin to gain her trust.”

“Uh, thanks?”

“Adrien… I’m serious.”

“Okay, Linnea. Understood.”

“Appreciate it. I’ve got to send in a report to the primarch and Command.”

Victus watched her as she walked away, and then set off down the opposite hallway himself to coordinate the transfer. He already felt his world beginning to shift underneath his feet. It scared him, especially since he was certain that the catalyst was Anna. Everything was about to change.

***

Victus neared the checkpoint for the detention centre again, his arms filled with paperwork to facilitate the transfer. They’d cleared a cell for Anna in the hospital block, alongside some unstable turian prisoners made up mostly of military traitors or defectors. At least they never left their room, and Victus’ guard duty would likely be watching a hallway full of closed doors. It was going to be hell… he was sure of it.

The guard at the checkpoint gave him an odd look as he passed, and he instantly felt unsettled. Something was off. 

As he neared the room where Anna was, he heard turian voices jeering, an odd, high-pitched scream, punctuated with sobs, and the unmistakable shout of a human woman dotted with indiscernible swears. He ran toward the room at full speed.

When he reached the doorway, he saw a group of young turian officers gathered around the entrance to the room. The door was open, and they were laughing.

“Hey!” Victus shouted.

The group of turians scattered, though they looked his way and he recognized some of the faces. Victus made sure to take a mental picture of each one, just in case. He skidded to a stop in front of the open door, and the appalling scene in front of him made anger and rage rise up in his gut.

Anna was curled into a corner of the room, her clothes ripped, with fresh tears and wounds to her skin. Her eyes were wide and her cheeks tear-streaked, and she clutched her ripped shirt over her knees, quaking with fear.

There was a turian on the floor in the fetal position, clutching his stomach and groaning. Victus stood over him.

“Report, Private! What the hell is going on here?”

“That _bitch_ kicked me!” the private groaned, continuing to roll on the floor.

“Why were you in here? Who is your commanding officer?”

“General Arterius asked us to... ugh... uh... watch her, sir.”

“What the hell were you doing in here, Private?”

The private didn’t answer, but just continued to groan and roll on the floor.

“Get up, for Spirits’ sake!” Victus muttered, as he slowly made his way over to Anna. He crouched down beside her.

“Get away from me!” she screamed at him, her eyes wide with fear.

“Anna, it’s okay. It’s Major Victus. Do you remember me from this morning?”

She nodded, still shaking.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

Anna’s eyes shifted over to the turian Private and she squeezed her eyes closed, tears falling from her eyelids. Her eyelids fluttered, and her mouth moved as if she was reassuring herself. Her hands were white from clutching her knees to her chest so tightly, and her scratched chest heaved with each breath. It looked like she was trying to collect herself, but it was heartbreakingly evident that she was utterly traumatized.

“H-he _raped_ me!” she screamed, her eyes still closed. She unraveled into full-blown sobs, her entire body shaking violently.

Victus’ anger and rage reached a boiling point and he stood up, his hands clenched so tightly it was painful by his sides. He was momentarily surprised at his reaction: he wanted to strangle the private, and he'd never felt that way about one of his one people. But, he took a deep breath, and then walked over to where the private was still in the fetal position on the floor of the room.

He bent down low and murmured, “Private Andreas. Yeah, I know who you are. I know what you’ve done here. It will be reported, and I will do everything in my power to ensure that you get every single disciplinary action that you deserve. You deserve much worse than that. If you ever lay a hand on this prisoner, or any prisoner, again, I will kill you without hesitation. Got it?”

Private Andreas stared at him, but nodded fearfully. He had quit groaning.

Victus got on his omnitool, “Captain Corinthus, I need your assistance in Interrogation Room 7. There was an incident with a prisoner involving Private Andreas. He’ll need to be detained, and please inform General Arterius. I also need a medical team.”

_“Roger, sir.”_

“Anna, can you hear me?”

She nodded.

“I’m going to have you moved to a different area, okay? It will be a nicer place, and it will be me and my squad that will be looking after you. I know that it may be hard to, but you can trust us, okay?”

She nodded silently again.

“Captain Hequas, the woman from this morning, will need to hear about this, and she’ll have to come and speak with you again, okay?” Victus continued gently, “But I will be right with you. And you can take all the time you need to tell her what happened.”

Anna looked at him. “Why are you being so nice to me?” she whispered, her breath hitching as her sobs gradually quieted.

He wasn’t expecting the question, but it was a question that he was subconsciously asking himself. He didn’t answer her, but looked down at his hands and the scattered paperwork on the bloody floor of the room, lost in his own thoughts.

Perhaps it wasn’t a question he _could_ answer... not at that moment anyways.

***

Anna looked up as Victus entered her new cell with a glass of water. She'd had to recount her horrible experience to Captain Hequas and be poked and prodded by one of the base's doctors, but she'd had a chance to shower and have her wounds treated, and she was in a pair of comfortable, although ill-fitting, prison fatigues. Regardless of the trauma she'd just been through, she was feeling better, even if it was that she was just simply existing. At this time, she just wanted to sleep, but even she had to admit that she was feeling grateful for the kindness of Hequas, the doctor who had tried to sound as if she knew more about human physiology than she did, and, especially, Victus. She wanted to make sure that he knew.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, studying her face. It amazed him how unreadable it was, and he found himself frustrated that he couldn't tell what she was thinking.

Her wounds were clean, and she had a stark, white bandage wrapped around her wrist. Her face had been cleaned and, though her skin still looked grey and sallow, her turquoise eyes still held a faint trace of the spark he'd seen before. She looked like she was doing all right, though Victus could only imagine the inner emotional turmoil that she was undoubtedly still experiencing.

Linnea Hequas had taken Anna’s statement privately, and she’d been obviously angry and appalled when Victus had run into her afterwards. The captain hadn’t even been able to speak to him; she’d just shook his hand and nodded at him knowingly, then set off yet again to hail the Primarch. And, when Linnea Hequas was at a loss for words, then he knew that what Anna had told her had been horrific.

Victus had been at war with himself whether to check in on Anna or not; perhaps she didn’t want to be visited, especially by a turian male. But, he couldn’t stop thinking about her, and he didn’t want her to be alone after all the horror. He hoped, at the very least, he could bring her some comfort.

Anna sighed, "Better, thank you."

Victus nodded and handed her the glass, flinching as her fingertips brushed by his hand. "I'm glad to hear it."

She winced at his touch, too, and he found his heart breaking for her again. To have been what she’d just been through… perhaps it wasn’t good for him to be here with her after all.

He turned to leave when her voice stopped him, "Adrien?"

Victus stopped but didn't turn back around, reliving the beautiful way her voice had sounded when she'd said his name. 

"Uh... Major Victus?" Anna tried again. 

"Yes?"

"I wanted to thank you for stopping that man from… well, I was sure that he was going to kill me if you hadn't got there when you did. After I kicked him, I should have ran, but I just froze. And thank you for having them place me here. It's much better than that disgusting room."

"Of course, Anna," he replied, turning towards her. “I’m sorry for everything that you’ve had to go through in such a short time. That isn’t who turians are. I won’t let them hurt you again. You’ll be safe here.”

Her smile hit him right in the chest and he took a step backwards, but didn't leave the room. Victus was enjoying the feeling of being around her... something very dangerous. It was so foreign to him, and it bothered him that a human prisoner was having any effect whatsoever on him. He ignored it.

"I don't hate turians, you know," Anna blurted, sipping her water carefully. She winced and put a finger to her split lip, patting it gently, her eyes watering.

"Oh?"

Her expression darkened and her eyes narrowed. "Well, not all turians. But I  _hate_  that… that..."

“I will make sure that he is punished to the fullest extent. I promise you.”

“And… General Arterius. I hate him, too.”

"I don't blame you. You're a prisoner, but that level of torture is unforgivable. Captain Hequas has told me that he has been severely reprimanded."

"Good."

There was a strained silence.

Finally, Victus said, "Anna, if you know anything... you need to tell them."

She cradled her head in her hands and sighed, "You know, I've thought about telling you some wild, made-up story that somehow allows me to make a break for it, but any miscalculation on my part could put my people in danger. I won't risk that. Even if I did know something... well, like I told that prick - I'll die before I betray my people. I hate this war. I fucking hate it! I'd give anything to end it, but I won't be responsible for deaths that could have been prevented, okay? On either side."

Victus admired her tenacity and fierce loyalty to her people, but he was still afraid for her. Either the military brass would keep her here indefinitely, use her as a bargaining chip, or just kill her. None of the options were favourable.

"Out of curiosity, what story would you tell to facilitate a break out?"

Anna smiled at him and he felt his heart beat fast in his chest. Her face, while so different from his own, was so captivatingly interesting... possibly even... attractive. Especially when she smiled. 

"Well," she started, "I'd say that I could lead you to a secret base, but I'd need to come with to get past any biometric identifiers to get past the first couple of checkpoints. Then... hadn't really planned this far, but somehow I'd have stolen an omni-tool and sent an SOS prior to getting to the 'base'. One of our ships would be signaled and kill your turian escort and either kill me or rescue me."

Victus chuckled, "I admire your guts, but too many holes in your strategy. Keep working on it, and I'm sure that you'll come up with something."

"It's one of the ways I guess I’ll have to adopt to keep myself sane during my, uh, _extended stay_. It’s what got me through what… happened to me: I just checked out and imagined watching them die in a big explosion. Which I guess makes me kind of insane. You know, I enlisted with the Navy because I believed that we could make contact and it would lead to peaceful advances - not war."

"I don't think that's insane. I'd be doing something similar, I'm sure. And I still believe that we can have peace, don't you?"

Anna shrugged. "Maybe if more turians were like you."

Victus was getting nervous, partially because her comment meant that he was getting close to achieving what Hequas had asked of him: getting Anna to trust him. It also made him nervous because he was becoming increasingly aware of the way she was making him feel. He didn’t like it, but… then… he did.

"And if more humans were like you," he said, trying to maintain his composure. 

Anna gave him an unsure smile. "Are you flirting with me, Major?"

Victus straightened up, trying to hide his embarrassment. His mandibles clacked hard against the side of his face, making her chuckle.

"Don't get so uptight," she laughed, "I'm only teasing you."

"Do me a favour: don’t tease a turian. We take to teasing the same way we take to swimming. And we don’t swim: we drown.”

“Noted,” she said, the smile growing a bit wider.

“Well,” he began awkwardly, “I should go. One of my men is on the next shift: Corinthus. He’s a good man, I promise. If you need anything, please let me know. I’ll be the officer in charge of the cell block, and my men know to call me if anything happens.”

A defeated air came over Anna then, and she sighed, “Thanks. If I need any assistance with the whole not getting assaulted thing, I’ll let you know.”

He grimaced at her comment: the thin layer of trust that had seemed to be building between them had been wiped away, and she was staring at him coldly, the spark in her eyes gone. As he closed the door, and without fully knowing _exactly_ why it mattered so much to him, he vowed that he’d bring the spark back, one way or another.


	5. Getting To Know You, Getting To Know All About You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“I’ve been watching your world from afar_  
>  _I’ve been trying to be where you are_  
>  _And I’ve been secretly falling apart, unseen_  
>  _To me, you’re strange and you’re beautiful”_  
>  \- Aqualung, from ‘Strange and Beautiful (I’ll Put A Spell On You)

Victus stared up at the dark ceiling as he lay in bed, listening to the rhythmic snoring of the off-shift men in the bunks around him. Sleep was eluding him more often than not these days, and it wasn't just one thing that was keeping him up: he found himself missing the battlefield, worrying about his status with the Primarch, stressing over the poor results some of the junior officers were pulling in the combat sim, and thinking of Anna. Anna was still an enigma to him; even after what she'd been through, she still showed fierce resilience. He knew that she was likely broken inside, but she hadn’t showed it outwardly since the day he found her after her ordeal. It impressed the hell out of him.

He'd maintained a respectful distance during his guard duty shifts, checking in on her hourly as he was supposed to, but he hadn't entered her room once in the last week. It was taking a great deal of willpower for him to stay away from her, so he often leaned against the wall beside her cell door and listened to her sing aimlessly to herself. Her voice, and the songs she sang, were hauntingly strange and beautiful. When he’d mentioned her singing to his men, Corinthus had told him that Anna never sang when he or another officer were on duty. 

They had recovered some books from the now cleared out human camp where Anna and her squad had been before her capture, and Victus had delivered them to Anna's room one night, sliding them through the food slot in the door as she slept. He'd intended it to be a happy surprise for her when she awoke and, sure enough, the next day she'd been reading, her nose firmly planted in the book, when he'd checked on her. 

Hequas had been back a couple of times to speak with Anna further, still convinced that Anna knew something. And, while Anna seemed to be beginning to trust Linnea, she still insisted that she knew absolutely nothing, even after being told that a human attack on a supply ship had ended in severe casualties for both sides. Victus knew that Anna would have given them whatever she knew to avoid further casualties, but Hequas wasn't as convinced. She was certain that Anna was still holding out on them, but Victus continued to defend the human. He was feeling increasingly protective over Anna, and this only seemed to intensify with each day he spent observing her. She fascinated and terrified him all at the same time. 

***

As he relieved Corinthus from his shift, he noticed that the captain was humming a tune underneath his breath. It sounded familiar, but Victus couldn't quite put his finger on how he recognized it. 

"What are you humming, Corinthus?"

"Was I? Sorry, sir. Smith has got it stuck in my head. It's a song that she sings, usually in the mornings just before you arrive. I found the tune to be, um, catchy."

Victus nodded at him. "So you’ve heard her sing."

"It's funny though, sir, she never sings on my shift. It's as if she knows the very moment that you arrive."

He gave Corinthus an odd look. "What do you mean?"

"Just that, sir. Perhaps she's singing for you?"

"Captain, get some rest. You're delirious."

Corinthus chuckled and nodded. "Good day, sir."

Victus smiled at his subordinate as he walked out of the cell block and readied himself for another shift. He could hear Anna's voice wafting down the hallway, and stood in silence, allowing the strange song to fill the air around him. It invigorated his senses and he felt his face break out into an involuntary grin. 

He walked out into the hallway and began his routine of checking into each cell. The other prisoners were insufferably boring and certifiable; one was so obsessed with a popular asari actress that he'd used his talons to scratch her name into each surface of every wall of his cell. They didn’t have the heart to tell him that the actress had been dead for years. Another built models of turian warships and spoke to himself in an odd, forgotten dialect. Victus’ favourite just sat on his bed day after day, staring at the wall, continuously clicking his mandibles against his face and almost inaudibly humming the tune of “Die For the Cause”. 

As Victus neared Anna's cell door, he heard her singing abruptly stop. He quickened his pace and peeked through the window of her cell door. 

She was on her hands and knees, reaching for something underneath her bed, a scowl painted across her face. He looked on as she attempted to recover whatever she'd lost underneath the bed, smiling as she loudly swore to herself. Finally, she recovered what she'd lost, and a wicked smile danced across her face. She turned the book over, reading the back cover, and then held the book to her chest as if she was hugging it, closing her eyes in sheer relief.

It moved Victus, and he felt his heart rate quicken the minute she smiled. The spark had returned to her eye in that moment, and it intrigued him. He pulled out his keys and entered the room.

"Anna? I'm coming in."

"Sure, Major. It's been a while since you've visited me."

"I am sorry. It's been..."

"You don't need to apologize. I'm in jail on Menae - I don't expect many visitors."

"Even still, this cell block, and everyone within it, is my responsibility. I should be checking in on you more often."

She shrugged, and then looked down at the book that she was still clutching. "I figure that it was you who dropped my books off? Thank you. I'd forgotten about them. They're helping to keep me sane."

"Glad to hear it. Have you come up with any other escape plans?" he asked, smiling. 

She returned it; she was beginning to be able to read his expressions. "Of course, but they’re all pretty pitiful."

"Care to share them?" 

Anna eyed him with a hint of suspicion as he pulled up a chair and sat in it, facing her. 

"On one condition."

"What's that?"

"Tell me why you're being so nice to me."

There it was; the question that has gone unanswered between them before - the question he couldn't really answer. 

"I... find you fascinating," he said before he even thought about it.

"Me?" she blurted, a bewildered look on her face, "I'm just a regular girl."

"Not to me," Victus said, "I've always been curious about other species and, aside from Shanxi, I've never really been out of the Apien Crest cluster."

"Why not?"

"Because my job doesn't always make it easy to travel."

Anna looked at him and sat down on the bed, placing her book down gently on the bedside table. "So the military is really the only life you've ever known?"

"Yes. I come from a big military family. We've been military since the Unification War many years ago. It's the only life I've ever really wanted."

"Is it? You said you want to travel."

"It's a nice idea, yes."

"But it's what you  _want_."

"What are you getting at?"

Anna shrugged and her cheeks flushed. "I've been... listening to the way that you are around your men, and the way that they speak of you. They really look up to you."

"So?"

"So, from what I've gathered by listening to them is that they respect you because you think outside the box. You're not like the other senior or flag officers. You keep your word and stand by what you believe in, and you place as much faith in your men that they place in you."

Victus gave her another look. "So?"

Anna laughed, " _So_ , I'm wondering if you ever take time to stick your neck out for yourself. Don't you ever do what _you_ want to do? Instead of what's expected of you?"

"Sometimes. Doing what I wanted, or what I thought was right, is what landed me this crap detail. Uh, no offence."

"I get it. I don't blame you. You want to be out there on the front lines, making a difference."

"Yeah."

Anna looked sad for a moment, and then her head seemed to snap up as she changed the subject, "Where would you travel to first if you could?"

"Why all the questions?" Victus asked. 

“You... fascinate me too," Anna replied, her cheeks flushing again, "Besides, who knows how long I'll be here? Talking to you beats talking to myself. I hear that other prisoner and his conversations with himself; I'm  _not_ ending up like him."

Victus laughed, "Okay. Fair enough. I guess I'd travel to the Citadel first. How about you?

“I don’t know, really. There are few places on Earth that I’d like to see; Egypt, Peru, and Antarctica. I’m not sure what else is out there in the galaxy, but I’m sure that there are other beautiful planets that I’d like to visit.”

"What's Earth like?" Victus asked suddenly.

Anna's eyes glazed over and she seemed to check out for a moment before she looked him in the eye. It gave him pause as the intense colour of her eyes met his. The spark was back.

"Earth is... it's hard to describe. It's so dynamic. The physical landscapes can be stunning. But it's the people that make it what it is. We have different cultures, religions, languages, and even appearances. Where I'm from there are massive expanses of lush forests, mountains, rivers... you could get lost in the beauty of it all."

"Do you miss it?" 

"Constantly."

"I hope to see it one day," Victus mused.

"Maybe you will, when this is all over."

"Still holding out for peace?"

"Of course. Aren't you?"

Victus nodded, but now he wasn't sure how he truly felt. But, because he knew what she wanted to hear, he replied, "Yes."

Anna looked at him with disbelieving eyes, but turned to look at the book laying on the table beside her and picked it up again, looking it over. It seemed to bring her immense comfort, and he saw her entire body relax as she studied the cover. It was an odd object, the book. He’d seen such things before, but they weren’t incredibly common on Palaven.

"What are you reading?" he asked. 

"Old classics. This one is a collection of works by an author named Poe."

"You like to read?"

"Yes. It helps especially when I can't sleep. What kinds of books do you read?"

Victus stiffened. "I don't really read. Not for pleasure, anyways. What I read now are reports, or tactical books, survival manuals..."

"The usual," Anna laughed. 

"Well, yeah. Turian culture is about war, surviving in war, winning in war... we don't really have a focus on art unless it has to do with, uh, war."

"I suppose human culture can be a bit like that, too, especially early on in our history. Nowadays, we embrace the arts and sciences for the most part. I guess it's because we're still pretty new. We're still finding where we fit, and it's still shaping us – our opinions, values, and beliefs."

"Sounds overwhelming."

"It is, but it's beautiful at the same time," Anna said with a fond look in her eye. "My family isn't a military family like you said yours is. My parents were upset when I joined the Navy - they don't like guns or weapons of any sort. They’re kind of artsy folk; they put more value into protecting the Earth from humanity than anybody else."

"Really?" Victus asked. He was surprised that any species would have objections to guns - for turians, having a pistol in your hand was having a friend at your side. 

"Really. They begged me not to enlist, but I'd already committed. It was what I wanted, and I guess I've always just done what I thought was best. I’ve always tried to follow my heart, but look where that got me," Anna sighed. 

"You said you enlisted because you believed in peace. Regardless of what happened to you here, that still sounds extremely admirable. You should be proud."

She gave him a surprised look, mimicking the surprise he felt on the inside. 

_Why are you being so nice to me?_

"Thanks, Adrien. I enlisted because I just wanted to make a difference, but I'm going to die here without having done much of anything at all, aren't I?"

Victus was silent for a moment, contemplating. His omni-tool beeped, but he ignored it, instead focusing on what to say to her. In a way, he felt the same of his own situation; he was stuck here on Menae, so far away from his people and the troops, not being able to help them in their time of need. But, maybe what he was doing here was making a difference... somehow. 

"You are making a difference here," Victus began, choosing his words carefully, "you're showing us that humans are resilient, brave, and loyal. You've been through more than any living creature should go through, yet you're still here: you're still alive. You won't back down, and you won't be broken. Maybe in just a small way, you're still making a difference."

Victus stood up again as his omni-tool beeped and walked towards the door. He turned around momentarily to see Anna looking at him in surprise again, and murmured very softly, "You're making a difference to me."

 

 

 


	6. Duty Before Honour, or Vice Versa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“In times of war and living hell,_  
>  _You can’t trust a man at war with himself.”_  
>  \- The Glorious Sons, from ‘Heavy’

As Victus stood nervously in the large debriefing hall, he took a minute to take in his surroundings. Corinthus stood next to him at attention, but he could tell that Corinthus was just as nervous as he was. It was odd for them to call a meeting of the senior officers like this, so it was undoubtedly very important, but Victus found that he was having a hard time focusing on anything but Anna. He was worried about her: his men, all of whom he trusted, were in rotating supervision shifts, but his men wouldn’t be able to pull rank if any of Arterius’ men came around. And Victus had a all-consuming feeling that Arterius would pull something like that: the minute Victus was looking away, one of Arterius' men could barge into her cell and... ugh, he didn't want to think about it.

As soon as he was done here, Victus knew that he would go straight back to the cellblock and check in on her immediately. He told himself that it was because he now considered her a friend, and he wanted to keep his promise to her that he wouldn’t let anyone else hurt her, but subconsciously he knew that he was growing far too attached to the woman.

Suddenly, the Primarch, General Fedorian, and – much to Victus’ surprise – General Arterius entered and stood at the head of the room.

“Please sit down, gentlemen,” the Primarch said, “There’s been a development in the war with the humans.”

Victus snapped back to reality and he sat down beside Corinthus, who now seemed to vibrate in anticipation.

“Their Second Fleet has broken through our line at Shanxi. They are trying to reclaim the planet. We’re taking the majority of the senior officers from this base to deploy to Shanxi and salvage our hold there. General Fedorian will be commanding officer. General Arterius will remain here on Menae. You’ll be given more details individually later when it comes to your personal deployment schedule. General Fedorian?” The Primarch said in clipped, rushed tones. He looked worn out and worn down.

Victus felt bile rise in his throat: Arterius had been MIA for weeks, and his sudden disappearances and reappearances were especially odd now. And, for a seasoned soldier like Arterius not to be returning to Shanxi was even more odd; Fedorian was the unanimous leader, but Fedorian was more suited to paperwork and overseeing recruits than Arterius was. Plus, having Arterius on Menae meant that he could possibly have access to Anna. Victus met eyes with Desolas across the room, and he felt himself tense at the cold, dead look Desolas had in his eyes. It was like looking at a new man; this was not the Desolas that Victus had ever known. And then Desolas blinked, his eyes returned to normal, and he smiled at Victus. Victus returned it uneasily.

Fedorian nodded at the Primarch, and the atmosphere in the room changed; Victus knew Fedorian and liked the man immensely – he was popular with his troops and military command. Fedorian had many more friends than foe, and he was widely respected by the turian people. Beside Victus, Corinthus relaxed as Fedorian detailed the attack plan and infiltration strategy, going over the solutions to the logistical problems that the military had been experiencing that was costing them dearly. The plan was obvious, but Victus had to wholeheartedly agree with the strategy Fedorian was laying out for them; perhaps unconventional tactics wouldn’t win this one for them after all. 

“Victus and Corinthus, you’ll be leaving with me shortly,” Fedorian said, nodding at the men, "We'll have more details in a private briefing for the both of you."

Victus’ head snapped up: they were taking him off of Menae?

“Please stay behind for your individual debriefings. The rest of you are dismissed.”

Victus stood there, not knowing what to do or say. He felt a surge of excitement and contentment that he’d be able to fight alongside his people again; at least if he was to die, then he was to die with his men. For Palaven... for the world that he loved more than anything else. But, something inside of him that he didn’t recognize was asking him to stay and to reconsider exactly what he was fighting for. It was troubling.

Arterius walked up and shook Victus’ hand, an odd, unsure smile to his face. “Congratulations, Victus. Your house arrest is officially over. We need you out there – maybe you can help us to get the upper hand back.”

Victus eyed him cautiously. “Thank you, General. I’ll do what I can. Do you know what will happen to the men I've been overseeing here?" 

“Well, obviously Corinthus will be accompanying you to Shanxi. The rest of them will fall under my command. I’ll take care of them, Adrien, don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried,” Victus lied, “it’s good to have you back, General. We missed you for the few weeks that you weren’t here. I hardly to got speak with you when you returned.”

The dead look came over Arterius again, and his voice grew cruel and cold, “I was… busy. Nothing to concern yourself with, Major.”

“Were you at Shanxi?” Victus pushed.

“Yes… I was…” Arterius replied, his voice soft and far away, with a glazed look in his eyes, “I killed a few humans, captured a few humans…”

An evil smile broke across his face. “… tortured a few humans…”

“General?”

Arterius’ neck snapped and he seemed to come back to reality. “What was I saying?”

“You were talking about killing humans, sir.”

“Ah, yes. Go out there and make us proud! Take out a few of them on your way, will you?”

“Uh…”

“Oh, I must speak with General Fedorian before he begins to get ready to leave. I’ll find you later,” Arterius said, rushing off towards Fedorian, leaving Victus gaping after him.

Every bone in Victus’ body was telling him to rush after Arterius and try to push him into lapsing into the strange hypnotic state he'd been in again, especially in front of the Primarch and Fedorian. Maybe then they’d see how unstable Arterius was, but Victus just stood there, continuing to gape. The voice inside his head telling him to stay intensified, but he ignored it. Arterius’ behaviour was seriously, seriously troubling, and he feared that it wasn’t just Anna’s life that was in danger because of such behaviour – it was the turian race that would end up paying for whatever Arterius was up to. The entire turian race.


	7. The Art of War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“If I’d lived my life by what others were thinkin’, the heart inside me would’ve died_  
>  _I was just too stubborn to ever by governed by enforced insanity”_  
>  \- Bob Dylan, from ‘Up to Me’

“Hey Victus, want to play cards with us?"

Victus looked over from the report he was still writing in his bunk to Corinthus, who was standing just beside the bunk. “What’s the game?”

“Skyllian Five.”

“Stakes?”

“Whatever you can put up.”

“Who’s playing?”

The voice of General Fedorian filled the small tent as he entered it laughing, “Spirits, Victus, this isn’t twenty questions! Get off that bunk and join us for a damn game of cards.”

Corinthus smiled at Fedorian brightly; the two men were close friends, and it was obvious that Corinthus was enjoying being on the front lines with Fedorian again. The battles at Shanxi had been brutal, and Victus was enjoying some time without the sound of gunfire ringing in his ears in the large command tent that he was sharing with the other senior officers far away from the front lines.

“All right, General, but I’ve got a mean poker face,” Victus said.

“Hah! Then I’d like to see you beat my Lieutenant,” Fedorian answered, nodding his head towards the door of the tent, “Vakarian! Get your ass in here. We’re about to deal.”

The lieutenant entered the tent and saluted the rest of the men, his blue eyes intense but kind. Victus nodded at him, but Corinthus and Fedorian just laughed.

“ _At ease,_ Vakarian. Damn, you’re among friends here,” Fedorian chuckled. "Major Adrien Victus, meet Lieutenant Tate Vakarian."

Victus smiled at Fedorian’s demeanour, appreciating the chance to take his mind off of things. He enjoyed spending time with the man off-shift, but it was how Fedorian was in combat that truly made Victus respect him; he was so different than Arterius – he was a good leader, and he commanded through respect instead of fear. Fedorian was also a fantastic shot, and he could read a battlefield quickly and skillfully. He was also friends with many of his officers, and he enjoyed toasting his men over a good glass of brandy at the end of a hard-fought day.

The humans had been relentless, though. They had brought the full brunt of their Navy to bear on the turians, who were still struggling to hold onto Shanxi. The worst part of it was, with every human that Victus levelled his scope at, he saw Anna’s face before he pulled the trigger. It was unpleasant, but Victus knew that it was just the beginning. With the humans' retaliation, Victus knew that both sides were gearing up for all-out war, and he was ashamed to say that it terrified him.

“So, Victus, since you haven’t played cards with us before, I’ll lay out our rules. First off; you don’t have to put up any credits – the stakes are stories," Fedorian said, brandishing a bottle of brandy and filling his glass.

“Stories?”

“War stories, mostly. Or anything interesting. Good conversation is worth more than credits, I’ve found,” Fedorian replied, “If you’re like Corinthus here, you’ll spend the evening whining about a woman who doesn’t love you back.”

Victus smiled uneasily as the other men laughed. He had many war stories, but he was itching to speak about the odd feelings that he was experiencing when it came to Anna. Of course, he’d never tell them that she was a human, but if he left out that part then it might seem to them like he was speaking about a turian female. It was at least worth a try.

“All right, ante up. Victus, you’ve got some great war stories, haven’t you?” Fedorian said, clapping his hands together.

He told them about the failed raid that got him assigned to Menae, delighting in the scowls that each man had on his face by the time he was finished recounting what had happened.

“I would’ve have slapped a ribbon on you!” Fedorian said, "It's absolutely ridiculous that they grounded you like that."

“Why didn’t you step in?” Corinthus asked.

“Because part of being a General is knowing your place, and that place is to answer to the primarch primarily, but the councillor too. I really don’t have as much pull as you think I do, and the councillor vetoes most of my requests and suggestions anyways.”

“He’s not my biggest fan,” Victus muttered.

“He’s a politician,” Fedorian shrugged, “Okay, Victus has set the bar pretty high. Who’s next? Vakarian?”

“Hmm? Sorry. My wife is pregnant with our first, and I’m a bit distracted waiting for the hail that he’s been born,” Vakarian said.

“It’s a boy?” Victus asked.

“Yeah.”

“Congratulations! I didn’t even know you were going to be a father,” Corinthus said.

Vakarian smiled. “Thank you. Should be an adventure. But, uh, yeah… guess that’s my story.”

“As happy as I am for you, Vakarian, that was pitiful. You fold,” Fedorian teased, “Corinthus, you’re next.”

Vakarian laughed and threw his cards on the table, “Here we go.”

Corinthus crossed his arms over his chest and sighed, “Not much to tell on that front, boys.”

“Ah, come on, Corinthus, I’ve been waiting for ages just to hear about your failed romances,” Vakarian piped up.

Fedorian chuckled, but didn’t say anything.

Victus clapped Corinthus on the back, “It’s all right, man. Women are the most difficult creatures to understand.”

“Speaking from experience, Victus?” Fedorian mused.

“Well… I suppose. I’m not really sure,” Victus shrugged.

“Corinthus, you’re out. Victus just upped the ante and you can't keep up,” Fedorian said, taking a large swig of his brandy and beginning to sway a little. 

Victus held up his hands and laughed, “I doubt it’ll up the ante.”

“Speak.”

He told them as much as he could about Anna without tipping them off that she was human. He left out the way he’d met her, of course, but he was sure to include the part of how, from the first moment that their eyes met, she’d had an unnatural hold over him. It wasn’t love at first sight, he was sure, but it was like an oyster that had caught a grain of sand – he couldn’t stop thinking about her, even though he barely knew her, but the thought of her was a welcome irritant. Even though she was supposed to be his enemy. He told them of his innate urge to protect her, and his intense curiosity about her that was coming close to exceeding any kind of platonic curiosity; he’d tried to stay away from her, but, when he had, he felt like he was missing something. He told them just how confusing it all was and how ashamed he was to be concentrating on a woman when they were in the middle of a war. 

The others looked on sympathetically.

“Wait, is this girl Captain Hequas? I knew that there was something between you!” Corinthus asked.

“No, no. It’s someone different,” Victus answered. Corinthus gave him a confused look, but dropped it.

“So, what’s her name?” Vakarian asked.

“I’d rather not say.”

“Fair enough,” Fedorian said, leaning forward to take another hearty gulp of his brandy, “sounds like she’s got quite the hold on you.”

“She’s not a, uh, traditional match for me you could say,” Victus said, his mandibles clacking against his face. He was becoming increasingly uncomfortable speaking about this with them, but he was glad that he was at least able to talk about it on some level. It was somewhat freeing.

“Is she from the colonies?” Corinthus asked.

“Uh, yeah. She is,” Victus lied.

 “And you’re not sure if she feels the same way?”

“Well, that, and I’m not sure if I should even be feeling this way about _her_.”

Fedorian chuckled and finished his brandy. “Look, I don’t care where she’s from or who she is – if she’s caught the eye of our Major Adrien Victus, then I’d say she’s worth it. You’ll only regret it if you don’t try.”

Victus nodded, but he still felt incomplete. He wished that he could tell them that these feelings were not, in fact, for a turian female from the colonies, but for a human. Except that they’d probably execute him on the spot. He wondered, though, if Fedorian would have given him the same advice if he knew exactly what _kind_ of woman had caught Victus’ eye.

Corinthus sighed, “Sometimes love is about as easy as catching lightning.”

Victus laughed and raised his hand to cheers, “I’ll drink to that.”

Fedorian had poured himself another brandy, and was beginning to slur his words. “Now it’s my turn. Have you gents heard about how Victus and just two of his men managed to hold out in a tiny foxhole to keep the humans from claiming one of our comm towers just two days ago? It’s quite the tale…”

***

As his shuttle arrived back on Menae, Victus felt torn. He was uncomfortable leaving the fight, but he was relieved to be back at the same time. They’d received an emergency message from the base about a week and a half into his deployment, requesting his immediate return. Details were left out, and Victus found his uneasiness growing as the shuttle neared the moon. He hoped that everything – and everyone – was in one piece.

He’d been reluctant to leave at first; he loved being in the thick of the battle, fighting alongside his turian brothers and sisters. It made him proud to be a turian, and he had missed the hubbub of military life, on and off the battlefield. But, an order was an order, and he had no choice but to follow it.

Arterius was there to greet him as the shuttle finished its descent into the underground hangar of the base.

Victus saluted him as he walked out of the shuttle, his duffel slung over his shoulder.

“Major Victus. Good to have you back.”

“General Arterius, sir. I wish that I could say I was happy to be back.”

“My apologies, Major. I’d heard about the good work you did on Shanxi; seems that the Primarch and Councillor were wrong about your tactics. Word is that you’re going to be upped for that. Amazing what you can achieve in such a small time.”

“And yet you’re taking me off of the battlefield. Away from my men.”

“We need your assistance, and I believe that this is more important than what’s going on at Shanxi.”

“How is that even remotely possible?”

“We’ve received intel from human mercenaries we captured that the humans are planning a strike against one of our outlying colonies. This information was… difficult to extract, and that’s all we could get. We believe that Anna Smith may know more about this attack, and that their infiltration of Menae was just the beginning. We believe that they won't rest until they've taken Palaven."

Victus stopped in his tracks and sighed, “You still think that she knows something, do you?”

Arterius nodded. “I’ve been… banned from speaking to her, but I asked some of your men to interrogate her.”

“What? You didn’t have them ‘interrogate’ her like they did before, did they?”

“Of course not!” Arterius snapped, a low, vicious growl rising in his throat. Suddenly, he looked like a raptor ready to pounce. He took a deep breath and then seemed to regain his composure, but Victus saw the dead look in Arterius’ eyes before it was blinked away. “She told them in a not-so-polite way that she would only speak with you. She won’t even speak with Captain Hequas."

Victus couldn’t stop the smile. “So, she told you to fuck off.”

“Basically.”

“Well, I don’t believe that she knows anything, so I’m not sure what help I’ll be. But I guess I can try.”

“This is incredibly important, Victus. I wouldn’t have asked you back if I didn’t think that this was imperative to our victory over the humans.”

“Of course, sir. I didn’t mean to question you,” Victus said.

Arterius shook his hand. “The Primarch and some other senior officers are expecting you over at Menae Command. I’d like a report immediately after you go in to see the prisoner.”

“Acknowledged,” Victus nodded.

As he watched Arterius walk away, the uneasy feeling that he’d had since he shook the man’s hand had grown. It was the same feeling he'd had after speaking to Arterius before he'd left for Shanxi. Everything in his gut told him that Arterius was up to something, and it wasn’t going to be something that benefitted the turian people. Victus felt as if he was being used as a pawn, and that was unacceptable. Plus, the General was acting much too nonchalantly about this supposed intel he’d received, and, though Arterius was a brutal man, Victus had never seen him raise his voice in casual conversation or snap the way he had. And the dead look in his eye was still extremely unsettling, as was the fact that Victus still didn’t know where Arterius had been for the weeks where he’d been MIA.

It was as if Desolas didn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth anymore: he said that he was fighting for the turian people, for the turian cause, but Victus had a terrible, sneaking suspicion that the General was fighting only for himself. A good turian soldier was part of a unit; moving together, working together, fighting together, dying together, but Desolas seemed to be isolating himself. And a turian isolating himself usually led to one thing – betrayal.


	8. The Spark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.”_   
>  – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

“You’re back!” Anna said, standing up to greet Victus as he walked into her cell.

He nodded at her gruffly, trying to hide the way his face was attempting to explode into a friendly smile. Spirits, was he relieved to see her in one piece. She didn’t look like she’d been harmed. Her face was flush, and her bright smile was exceedingly warm. Her eyes sparkled in an almost mischievous way. She certainly was attractive when she smiled.

“So... how was it?” she asked with quiet trepidation. She wrung her hands together nervously, as if she was preparing herself mentally for an answer that she didn't really want to hear.

Victus gave her a look. “We’re gearing up for a full scale war. It’s not going to be pretty.”

Anna’s face sank, the turquoise in her eyes dulling. She pulled her mess of hair over to one side of her neck with a sigh, exposing the other side. Victus stared at it, feeling his pulse pick up the minute that he saw the soft, smooth skin of her neck, and desire rumbled up through his limbs until it enveloped his entire body. He turned away to catch his breath, his eyes wide and his mandibles pressed tightly against his face. It was as if the wind had been knocked out of him. He’d never had this feeling before; it was so new and overwhelmingly unfamiliar that he felt dizzy. He willed himself to forget the feeling, but it was like fighting a losing battle.

“Then why are you back?” Anna asked, walking to the other side of the room and sitting down in one of the bare-bones chairs. “I didn’t even know that you were gone until a few days ago. I thought that maybe you were avoiding me.”

Victus stayed with his back to her, not trusting himself to look at her for fear that the feeling would intensify. “I, uh, Arterius wanted me to speak to you. He said one of his men already came in and talked to you and you wouldn't speak to them?”

Anna laughed, “Yeah, and I told them to shove it up their asses. I _don’t know_ anything. I don’t understand why they think that I do.”

“Arterius seems to believe that this intel that he received from some human mercenaries can be supplemented by whatever your mission was here on Menae.”

“Of course he does," she sighed, her hand brushing a lock of hair behind her ear gently, "You believe me when I say that I don’t know anything, don’t you?”

He kept his back to her, wanting so very much to turn around and face her so that she knew that, yes, he believed her. He couldn’t exactly explain why; it was just a feeling in his gut that told him that she wasn’t being deceptive. Though he'd only spent a very small time around Anna, he felt like he’d known her for years, and that he would just  _know_ somehow when she was lying and when she wasn’t. It was similar to the way he couldn’t explain the overall feelings that Anna gave him – they were almost automatic. It was as if his soul simply took over and commanded his brain to experience such intense emotions. He couldn’t control them, and he hated the feeling of not being in control.

Anna got up out of the chair and walked over to him. She placed her hand on his shoulder to turn him around to face her, and it was as if he’d been struck by lightning where she’d touched him. It shot through his entire arm and into his chest, making him take a step back. His eyes met hers, and a tiny gasp escaped his lips. He felt like he could melt into the floor.

She moved her hand down his arm, and he stood stick straight, frozen to the spot. She could have pushed him aside and ran for the door, he was that frozen to the spot, but she didn't seem to notice. She was, instead, staring at the new colours on his arm.

“Were you promoted?” she asked softly, tracing her fingers over his new stripes. He wasn’t sure if he was just imagining it, but the tenderness of her touch felt comforting and almost intimate.

Victus snapped back to reality and rolled his shoulders, surprising her and making her take a step back. “Yeah, they made me Colonel.”

Anna smiled broadly at him and held her hand out to shake his. “Well, congratulations then, _Colonel_ Victus.”

He shook it awkwardly and looked at his feet, the action making his diaphragm release and a rush of air pass through his lips in one, long sigh.

“You all right?” Anna asked. “This promotion doesn’t mean that you’ll be leaving again, does it?”

He tried to ignore the fear in her eyes. “No. Honestly, I think it’s just to placate me and keep me here.”

“They want to keep you here so you can continue to ask me questions about something that they think I know about.”

Victus smoothed back his fringe and sighed, “The situation for my people is growing desperate. If there’s anything that you know that could help, even in the smallest way…”

She jerked as if he’d hit her. “You’re asking me to choose between endangering my people and helping yours?”

“No, that’s not what…”

The anger flared up in her eyes, and she turned her back to him, her shoulders heaving with each sharp inhale she took. “I will _never_ betray my people. Even if they’ve given up on me.”

“What if it could end this war?”

“And how would _that_ end, Victus?” she hissed, her sharp voice like needles, “Humans would probably just become slaves for the turians. I’ve seen what your people do to prisoners!”

“Not all turians are like that; I told you.”

“Then answer me: how would it end? How would it turn out if your people won?”

He didn’t answer. He didn’t know for sure, but he was sure that it wouldn’t be a smooth integration.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Anna snapped, “You can’t answer.”

“Look,” he said, grabbing her wrist and turning her to face him. She didn’t struggle when he grabbed her. “I don’t know how this is going to turn out, but I can promise you that I'm not asking you to betray your people. I understand: I could never put my own people at risk. I get it, okay?”

“Do you? How could you possibly understand being trapped here? I can’t fight with my people and I can’t fight for them; I can only rot away in here. I’m no use to them or to you. I’m _trapped_.”

He let go of her hand, feeling his own anger boil up. He took a deep breath and it settled. “I understand not being able to fight alongside your people. Believe me, I do.”

Anna softened, her face turning from a scowl into a sad frown.

“But I told you before,” he continued, “you’re making a difference in here. Every day that you wake up, you defy them. I don’t like it; I wish that they'd just accept you know nothing and that they’d leave you alone. I wish that I could release you back to your people and that I could go back to mine. But this is the hand that we’ve been dealt, you and I. My main goal is to keep you alive, and yours seems to be to do everything you can to piss my people off and make that target on your back grow. I just... need you to meet me in the middle. Is that so much to ask?”

She stared at him, her lips parted in a small “O”.

Victus stood at attention, his hands behind his back. He looked her straight in the eye as if she was one of his recruits that he'd just flown off the handle at. “I… apologize for my outburst, Anna.”

She stared at him for a second or two, and then shook her head, looking embarrassed. “No. It’s okay. You’re right. What if I gave you some information that wasn’t classified? I don’t know if it’ll do anything, but it might pacify them for the time being.”

He smiled at her. “Thank you.”

After he’d got the information, he met her eyes again. She looked defeated.

“All right, Anna. I appreciate this. I’ll include it in my report. Thank you for meeting me in the middle.”

She nodded at him, her lips pursed into a line, as he got up from the chair to leave.

“Adrien?” her voice was small, but it caressed him name in such a delightful way that he wished she'd say it again.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for caring about what happens to me. It’s nice to know that someone actually does.”

Victus gave her a slight smile, trying not to show the ache in his heart at her comment. He walked out of the cell and shut the door and then set off down the hallway towards the guard station. He was a few steps away from her door when he heard her begin to sing. Her voice wafted from under the cell door towards him, wrapping itself around him, squeezing around his heart like a constrictor, giving him a head rush. He involuntarily stopped in his tracks and finally allowed the feelings he’d been trying so hard to keep down flow throughout him, causing his knees to go weak. He leaned against the wall, gasping as each wave of emotion washed over his exposed soul, feeling the intensity of the fire each time it sparked within him.

He was in trouble.


	9. Infatuation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“Love; it will not betray you_  
>  _Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free_  
>  _Be more like the man you were made to be.”_  
>  \- Mumford & Sons, from 'Sigh No More'

He’d been hovering outside of her cell door for what felt like hours, his heart beating fast in his chest. Anger welled up inside of him, but not at her: he was angry at himself. The emotions that he was feeling were… abnormal… right? He shouldn’t be feeling this way for a _human_ : he was a turian. He came from a long line of respected, die-for-the-cause, duty-first turian soldiers, and he was quite certain that none of them had ever felt this way about a _turian_ woman. He was a soldier, damn it! A _turian_ soldier! He had no business having a _crush_ on a human prisoner. And here he was, trying to convince himself that it was just a fleeting crush, and that he was _not_ falling in love with Anna.

And, yet, he was. Victus knew that it was just so, so wrong, but everything about it felt right. He thought of her when he went to sleep, he dreamt of her, he thought of her when he woke up, and when he was eating. Even during debriefs he found himself counting the minutes until his shift started so he could be near her… it was infuriating. It was an insult to his people, and his duty, and his family, and himself… _right_? He was supposed to be the enemy, but there was no feeling of foe between him and Anna. Unless she really was the enemy and was manipulating him, but every time he thought that, his mind outright rejected the idea: there was no way. She was so genuine… _right?_

Victus began to feel sick as the emotions rolled around like rocks inside of his stomach. The more he analyzed – _over-_ analyzed -  it, the more it became clear that he was falling in love with her. The prisoner, the human… the enemy. It had bull-rushed him; he’d fallen so hard, so fast. The connection between them had been almost instant, for him at least, and it had only grown in the short time that they’d known each other. He knew that she trusted him… respected him, even, but he wasn’t sure if he had the same effect over her that she had on him. He found himself hoping that he did.

“Um, Adrien?” Anna’s muffled voice cut through his thoughts and sent his stomach into even more violent fits. He was embarrassed that even her voice had that kind of effect on him; everything about her made him nervous. It wasn’t who he was… he was a damn _Colonel_ now, for Spirits’ sake! He wasn’t supposed to fawn over anybody, ever. And yet, he was completely under her spell, and he didn’t want to break it.

“Uh… yeah. Anna. Lost in my thoughts. What do you need?”

She chuckled, “I was just wondering why you were standing there, staring into the window. Are you at least going to come in?”

***

“Adrien! There you are!”

“Linnea. Good to see you. Back on Menae so soon?”

Captain Hequas sighed and shook her head. “Yes. They want me to try to take another crack at Commander Smith. The humans are continuing to raid our supply lines, and we have no idea how they get their intel.”

“Anna won’t know anything about it,” Victus said, suddenly defensive.

“I know. That’s what I keep telling command, but they insist. What she told you last time actually helped to repel an attack, so they want us to keep digging. I’m just going to go in and chat with her. Check on her, you know.”

Victus nodded and turned back to his terminal, pounding out his mundane report.

“How is she doing, by the way?” Hequas asked, “I hear that your shifts are going well. She seems to be warming up to you. And, congratulations on the promotion, by the way, _Colonel_ Victus. Very impressive.”

Victus felt the back of his neck begin to heat up, and his heart skipped nervously. “She doesn’t see us as the enemy anymore,” he said in a clipped tone.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with her?”

Victus swivelled and faced Linnea Hequas with a glare. “She’s the only POW in that cell block. The others are mindless traitors who I’d rather stick a bayonet through my eye than talk to. You know how boring and tedious guard duty is, Linnea. She’s… interesting.”

Hequas laughed, “Don’t get so defensive! I know that you’d rather be out there fighting with us, but what you’re doing here is important, too. Though the troops certainly haven’t forgotten your actions at Shanxi before your stint here. You’re almost as effective when you’re not on the field as when you are; you should hear the way that they regale about you.”

“Don’t remind me,” Victus muttered.

“Look,” Hequas began nervously, pulling up the chair beside him, “I wanted to speak with you.”

“About what?”

She stared at her hands uncomfortably, “I… hearing the troops speak about you has reminded me of the calibre of turian that you truly are. Not only as a soldier, but as a man as well. You’ve been a great friend to me throughout the years. And either of us could die at any moment during this war, so I was… uh… wondering…”

Realization hit Victus like a freight train then: Linnea was about to proposition him. His body tensed up in rejection, his mind running a loop of _no, no, no, no_ over and over; he should have been flattered that a turian female as highly regarded and sought after as Linnea Hequas wanted him, but he was unapologetically revolted. Still, he hoped his face wasn’t conveying his thoughts; he valued Linnea as a friend, but to think of her as anything more, especially when he couldn’t figure out his feelings for Anna, was incredibly unwelcome.

“I… have felt myself having feelings for you. You don’t have to say anything now, but just know that I would gladly promise myself to you if you would have me.”

Victus gaped at her, not knowing what to say.

Hequas studied his face for a moment, and then laughed, “Okay, I get it. Not what you were expecting, but promise me that you’ll at least think about it?”

He nodded, still unable to form words. His mind, however, was in overdrive: _No! No! No! No!_

“It… seems like you need some time. I’m on a tight schedule, but I should be back in the next couple of weeks. See you then,” Linnea said, touching her hand to his shoulder gently as she walked past him.

He flinched at her touch, but managed to squeak out, “See you then.”

She gave him a slight smile before she turned and walked towards the detention centre. Victus stared after her, not knowing if he should call after her and tell her to forget it, but he didn’t trust himself not to say something completely insulting. He couldn’t very well _tell_ Linnea about his feelings for Anna – she’d be horrified.

But he wished so much that he could talk to _someone_ about his feelings for Anna. He certainly couldn’t call up Fedorian and ask him for advice; the General would be obliged to report him. If there was another human prisoner on the base, perhaps he could casually speak to him or her about human relationships, but he was flying blind, and he hated being blind. And he was fairly certain that no other turian was experiencing the same thing that he was: the division between his duty and allegiance and the overwhelming feeling of being in love with someone that you should have no business being in love with.

It was yet another reason to detest this war.


	10. Reciprocation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“It frightens me; the awful truth of how sweet life can be.”_   
>  – Bob Dylan, from ‘Up to Me’

Anna awoke in the middle of the night to what sound like gale force winds battering the outside wall of her cell. The window pane sounded like it was creaking, and a sudden hope that it would shatter and she might be able to escape sent an electricity through her body. But it was gone almost as soon as it had appeared: even if the window shattered, there were bars to make sure she stayed put. 

She sat up in bed and brought her knees to her chest, hugging them. For so many nights she'd dreamed of escape, but tonight she hadn't dreamed about it at all - her dreams had a new focus: Victus. Anna smiled to herself as she stared out the window at the barrenness of Menae, the dust swept up in the windstorm blurring the view of the cosmos above the moon. It made it feel more like a prison than usual, and she found her thoughts once again turning to Adrien. She wished that he were there with her, if only just to be in proximity to her. She always felt safe when he was around, even if he was just outside of her cell. 

The walls were thin enough that she could hear Victus speak to his men, and it was clearly evident that he was a great leader and passionate about his duty. When he was off-shift, she heard his men speak of his loyalty, bravery, flexibility, and fairness as if he were a legend. She knew how hard it must have been for him to leave the fight again on Shanxi; he seemed fiercely loyal to his people and his duty, but she was relieved that he was back. His men, while they tried to emulate Victus’ character, failed miserably. At least they hadn’t attacked her.

But, then, when he visited her, she found that she was seeing a softer side of Adrien Victus. He had seemed to become more and more vulnerable each time he checked in on her, as if he was letting the military man mask slip so she could see the man underneath. She wasn’t even sure that he truly knew who he was without a weapon in his hand and armour on his back, so perhaps he was beginning to find himself by opening up to her. It made her feel special, and she found herself looking forward to his visits. She was coming to respect him deeply, and she no longer thought of him as her enemy; hell, he was the closest thing to a friend that she had left. He'd saved her life, and he was constantly reassuring her that her life mattered just as much to him as anyone else in the base. She was certain that he, too, at least considered her a friend. But, during his last visit, Anna had felt the spark of something more. 

Victus had sat beside her on the bed, listening to her read from a book that they'd recovered from her camp. It was a very old book: _Pride and Prejudice_ , and she'd had to explain a bit of human history before she read the story, much to Victus' great confusion. But he'd still listened, and he seemed fascinated by the plight of Elizabeth Bennett. Victus had even asked her to continue after she stopped reading a few chapters in. His request had been unexpected, so Anna had laughed and grabbed his hand without thinking. 

And, the moment that her skin touched his, it had been as if time stood still: they sat there together, Anna's hand wrapped around Victus', staring at each other for what felt like an eternity. She'd been certain that he had wanted to kiss her, if that was even how turians showed affection, because she'd wanted so badly to kiss him. The spark, at least for her, had been so palpable that she could've reached out and held onto it. It was so unexpected and refreshing, and she was certain that her heart was uncontrollably bouncing around in her ribcage.

But nothing physical had happened between them, save for the hand touching. She'd squeezed his hand and looked away, and then he'd got up and left awkwardly. It hadn't kept her heart from continuing to thrum wildly as she watched him leave, though. She felt like a little girl with a schoolyard crush: it was intoxicatingly exciting and frightening, all at the same time. Her hand had tingled from his warmth, and it sent tingles throughout her entire body. And, oh God, it had repeated in her mind over and over how wrong it was that she was feeling so attached to the man. She couldn't imagine the retribution that she'd face from her people if they knew what was going on inside of her head; she'd be committed just for having feelings for a turian, but she couldn't help it. He'd been the only one that she could trust, from the first day that she'd met him... that first, terrible, terrible day.

Anna shook her head, coming out of the memory. She'd likely just imagined that he'd wanted her like she'd wanted him in that moment: perhaps she was suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. He was, technically, her captor. 

But... no, she wasn't crazy or easily manipulated. She was a strong, entirely self-aware woman who knew her own heart. Besides, he had always treated her with respect and asked for nothing in return. He'd never abused her. It was him who let her take the reins when he came to visit her, and she noticed how he often seemed slightly nervous around her. She'd come to consider him as her protector: a shield from the storm that she'd certainly face outside of her cell. And he seemed to do it willingly.

"He... likes me," she mumbled to herself, a huge smile plastered across her face. 

And, maybe it was because she was so tired, and the new emotions barreling through her were so energetically draining, or because the wind had died down, but Anna laid back down and, for the first time since she'd been on Menae, she fell into a peaceful sleep.


	11. Fallen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _"Heavy is the heart_  
>  _That reaches out in vain_  
>  _And tears itself apart_  
>  _And runs back for the same"_  
>  \- The 88, from 'Love You Anytime'

Victus was certain that he was going insane. How could he be attracted to a human? Hell, he'd been spending too much time with her! He cursed command for keeping him on Menae and making him be around her, but, then again, the thought of never seeing her again wasn’t a pleasant feeling… it wasn’t a pleasant feeling at all. 

He was at it again: over-analyzing every single, little thing about the situation. But… how could he not? He leaned his head against the wall, in turmoil with himself. He couldn't believe that he was having feelings - real, unrequited feelings - for this woman who was supposed to be his enemy. Here he was, pining over a _human_ when a fine turian female like Linnea Hequas had expressed interest in him... Linnea was an extremely suitable match, but, Spirits, he didn't want her. He wanted Anna. 

And, of course, he was certain that his feelings wouldn't be reciprocated. Anna was just being friendly with him to ensure her own survival, and she couldn't possibly be interested in him.... right? 

Victus' heart hammered in his chest as he walked towards the holding wing with Anna’s dinner in the tray in his hand. Human food certainly smelled good.

Anna was sitting on her bed when he arrived at her room. In her hand she was playing with the small medallion that she'd had since she'd been captured. He’d never seen her with it; it had been found in her pocket and had sat on her bedside table until now. Her eyes were sad as she twisted it in her palm, but they brightened as soon as Victus entered the room. 

"Adrien! I was just thinking about you," she said brightly. She got up from her bed to walk over to him, and grabbed his hand and squeezed it. 

He yanked his own hand from her grasp suddenly, recoiling only because of the rush it gave him. It wasn't a bad feeling, but it scared him all the same. It was the same feeling that he got the last time she’d squeezed his hand; he relished the warm touch of her hand on his, but the warm feeling that it sent throughout his body was both exciting and terrifying. It was becoming a theme for him.

Anna withdrew, her face sad again. "I'm sorry, Adrien. I won't touch you again. I just wanted to give you something."

Victus didn't say anything. He just stared at her. 

She studied his face, and took a step towards him, her palm extended. In it was the small medallion. "I want you to have this."

He didn't move. "Me? Why?"

"To remind you of me."

"I see you everyday. I don't need a reminder."

Anna sighed and sat back down on the bed, her fist clenched around the token. "I don't know how much longer I'll be here. I don't have any information, no matter what your military thinks. They aren't likely to keep me alive if I'm not useful."

Victus' heart began to hammer fiercely again. He walked over and sat beside her on the bed, inhaling her sweet scent. "Nobody is going to hurt you. Not while I'm around."

"But you're not going to be around forever, are you?"

"Anna... you know that I won't let anything happen to you."

A tear escaped her cheek. "Why do you want to protect me? What am I to you?"

Before he knew what he was doing, he'd grabbed her face and pulled her into him, kissing her fiercely in the way he'd seen human couples do in the vids some of the junior officers had got past screening. It felt so foreign and odd, but it was with Anna, and that was all that mattered to him. It was freeing, he felt, acting on something that every thing he’d ever been taught was telling him was wrong, but it felt so damn right.

She pulled back from him, his hand still entangled in her hair. "What are you doing?"

"Kissing you," he stammered, keeping his face close to hers. Maybe it wasn’t called kissing? He wasn't entirely sure, but he knew damn well that he wanted to do it again. 

Anna's eyes stared into his for a few seconds with fear and anxiety, but then she reached up and pulled his face into hers again, her hands tenderly grasping behind his head and under his fringe. 

Victus tried to mimic the way her lips were moving across his, but he became so lost in the thrill of just having her so close to him and reciprocating his actions that he forgot to breathe. Finally, he pulled back from her and took a deep breath, setting his hands on her shoulders. The reality of his actions were setting in, but he wasn’t thinking of the consequences in that moment. He was lost in Anna.

She was staring at him again, "I don't understand."

He looked at her, and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I think that I'm in love with you."

***

Captain Linnea Hequas considered herself a sensible, tolerant woman, and she was proud that she very rarely flew off the handle or let many things get under her skin. It was what made her so good at her job; it wasn't that she didn't care, it was simply that she just didn't let most things, and situations, bother her. 

But this was different. As she stared through Anna Smith's cell window and watched as Victus kissed the woman, her blood began to boil. She'd seen what had happened, all right: Adrien had initiated it, and Anna had reciprocated, and it left Linnea stunned and angry. She knew full well what the act meant; it was a sign of affection.... and then to hear him tell Anna that he loved her hurt worse than taking a bullet.

How could Victus do this? How could he do this to her? How could he do this to himself? Anna was a human.... how could he be in love with her? 

It was all so overwhelming and hurtful and disappointing. To watch the man she loved express his true feelings to a human... _a prisoner_ that he’d known for barely three months... it was killing her. 

Linnea peeked through the window again and watched as Victus stroked Anna's cheek, his other hand in hers, their voices low and intimate. They were both smiling at each other. It was so tender it hurt. 

It was breaking her heart. She pulled away from the window and began to walk briskly away from the cell block, gasping for air and trying not to vomit. 

It was just... too much

 

* * *

 

_"And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be_

_Right in front of me_

_Talk some sense to me_

_Talk some sense to me"_

_\- Amber Run, from 'I Found'_


	12. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _"Yeah, the earth can shake_  
>  _And the rain can fall_  
>  _But I won’t be scared cause I…_  
>  _Love, there’s nothing you could_  
>  _Ever do to get me to say goodbye."_  
>  \- The 88, from ‘Love You Anytime’

Victus stood in front of Anna, staring nervously down at her medallion that he was playing with in his hands. Since she'd given it to him the previous day, he hadn't been without it. Every time he looked at it, it reminded him of how freeing it had been to finally kiss her and tell her that he was in love with her. He'd been up the better part of the night, just staring at the token as he lay in bed, remembering the feel of her soft lips on his facial plates, and the smile on her face when they'd finally parted had been just the thing to slow his thumping heart. Her smile had put to ease his worries that his feelings were one-sided. He'd taken an incredible, incredible risk kissing her - the gravity of which he still hadn't fully grasped. He'd been so lost in that moment and afterwards, that he'd floated back to his bunk. 

His love for her was a feeling that had surpassed anything else he'd ever experienced. Even all of his military victories paled in comparison to how he felt after he'd kissed her and she'd reciprocated, assuring him that yeah, it was crazy, but she felt the same way.

Anna shared his nerves, and she wrung her hands together, her eyes trained on his own hands. "My medallion," she said softly, "you still have it."

He chuckled, "Of course. I've only had it a day. It's my reminder of you."

She gave him a small smile. "Will you keep it?"

"Absolutely," he said, surprised at the question. He moved close to her and touched her arm softly. "What's wrong?"

Anna sat down on the bed, dragging her hand through her hair. "I guess I'm just still having a hard time understanding everything that happened between us."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... you told me that you loved me!"

"And?"

"And I just don't understand. How can you love me?" she laughed, running her hand through her hair again. "How can I be in love with you?" she murmured.

Victus took her hands gently in his. "Maybe there isn't any explanation. I've been searching for one since the moment I met you, believe me. But it wasn't until I just accepted that the only truth I knew was that I love you that I finally felt free."

"But  _I'm_ not free. How are we going to make this work? They'll kill you if they find out!"

"I know."

"And?"

"I don't care."

Anna sighed and gave him a searching look, her eyes dancing across his face. "You have to care. I won't ask you to give everything up for me."

"You won't have to. We'll keep it a secret until we can't anymore."

She looked at him and raised her eyebrows. "You have a plan?"

"The tactician in me can never resist a challenge."

Anna smiled and gestured for him to continue speaking. She'd retreated to her bed again, and sat on it cross-legged. Victus stared at her, taking her in. Her hair fell around her face to frame it with soft waves, and the light reflected off of the white prison uniform she had on, illuminating her face in a halo-like effect.

He took a deep breath. "We run away."

She waited for a minute for him to go on, but he didn't say any more. She burst into laughter.

"Why are you laughing?" he asked, wounded.

"You can't be serious. That's your grand plan: _run away_?"

"Well, yeah. Simple, straightforward - we run away."

Anna's face fell and she stopped laughing. "You're serious? But we'd both have to abandon our posts. Our people. Are you willing to do that? For  _me_?"

It was a question that he'd been subconsciously asking himself, but the resounding answer on both of his subconscious and conscious levels was: yes. Before he'd met her, there was absolutely nothing that would have made him even consider abandoning his duty, but now there was Anna. It was as simple as that. When he thought about it too much, then he felt the beginnings of guilt creeping in, but it was quashed the minute his mind flicked back to Anna. If the war wasn't over soon, then he'd help her to escape; yes, it was high treason, but the thought of being without her wounded him much more than the thought of turning his back on his duty. The realization had been a surprise when it had first come over him, but he knew that it had always been there: his duty had always been his identity, but Anna... she'd become something close to a necessity. He felt more alive than he ever had when he was around her, and he was starting to find out who he was without a rank in front of his name, without the responsibility... without the military. The pragmatic, meticulous Colonel Victus morphed into the spontaneous, effervescent Adrien when he was with Anna, and it was the beginning of a bright, shiny, new future that he couldn't look away from.

"Yes. Are you?" he answered.

She paused, her eyes fixated on the ground, unblinking.

"Anna?"

"Where would we go?"

"Anywhere. If the war ends, then there's nothing that they can do about us being together."

"We'd be social pariahs! We would never be able to live in peace."

"Then the plan stays the same: we run away."

"And if the war doesn't end?"

"I break you out."

Anna shook her head; there was so much that was standing in their way. If the war ended and they decided to go public with their relationship, then she could live with the inevitable judgment; she'd always been a bit of a pariah anyways, and she didn't much care about what others thought. It would be hard, but they could be together freely, and that was all that mattered. But if the war didn't end and he broke her out, then she would always harbour guilt over his choosing her, even though he was making the choice himself. If he went AWOL and ran with her, then they could never really be free, and it would be like they were both imprisoned in a life of constant running, but she would do it for him. She'd do anything for him.

"What if they find out about us before then?"

"They won't: it'll be our secret. At least until the war is over or I break you out of here."

She moved toward the window, her hand wrapping gently around the bars. 

"But, Adrien," she whispered, a single tear carving a wet path down her cheek, "this is the kind of secret that could get us both killed. There can't be a good ending to this."

He carefully wiped the tear away, and then put one finger underneath her chin and lifted it up until her eyes met his. He planted a gentle kiss on her lips.

"There won't be an ending, Anna. This is just the beginning."

It melted her; she could sense the hope on his voice, and she knew that he truly believed what he was telling her. Anna smiled at him, bringing her hands to his face, and tenderly traced the lines of his clan tattoo, loving the way his soft, happy rumble made her hand vibrate. She’d kept many a secret in her time, but he was the very best secret that she’d ever have to keep.


	13. Just Say Yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“If love is a labor I’ll slave til the end_  
>  _I won’t cross these streets until you hold my hand.”_  
>  \- Rise Against, from 'Swing Life Away'

Anna awoke from her nightmare a sweaty mess. She'd had lots of nightmares since she'd been on Menae, sure, but they were mostly reliving her capture, her rape, and her internment.

This one had been different, but it had been just as terrible, if not worse.

In this nightmare she'd been lined up in the hallway with the other prisoners in her cell block, all of them turian, but she couldn't see their faces. Her hands and ankles were shackled, and General Arterius had pushed her down so that she was on her knees. She'd been certain that they were being lined up for execution, but he'd yanked her by the hair and dragged her through dark hallways until he sat her down on the chair in the interrogation room where she'd been when she'd first been captured. The chair and floor were still stained with her blood. Arterius had left her there and exited the room without saying a word. Suddenly, the light in the adjacent room had turned on, and she could see what was happening through the large window in the wall. They had Victus strapped to a chair and they were punching and kicking him.

" _Traitor_!" They had screamed over and over. " _Traitor_!"

She had tried to run towards the window, but she'd tripped on her restraints and fell, her head smacking off of the concrete. She felt her forehead open and blood began to run down between her eyes. When she'd finally managed to get back up on her feet and look, panic-stricken, through the window for Victus again, Arterius was standing there with a pistol in his hand, leveling it at Victus' forehead. He turned to look at her and smiled evilly before shooting Victus in the head, right between the eyes.

And, then, she woke up, tangled in her sheets, her hair plastered to her face in sweat. She was grateful that it had been a nightmare, but it stayed in her head all the same. It had seemed so damn real that it scarred her deeply. Watching them execute him had felt like she'd died alongside him, and waking up had felt like she'd been reborn: she was still here and Victus was still here and it was going to be okay.

Anna had never experienced the love that she felt for Victus, and she couldn't explain why she'd fallen in love with him. Of course, she knew that it was likely because of how he'd treated her as an equal since the first moment they'd met, or how he had seemed to step into the role of her protector immediately. The connection had been quick, intense, and, although their meeting hadn't been ideal at all, he was everything she'd ever wanted.

It made her feel small and insignificant compared to him. He was a hero to his people: a respected colonel that they trusted implicitly. She couldn't imagine the shock that would ripple through turian society when news that Colonel Adrien Victus had run off with a human. They would most certainly call him a traitor and his name would be stripped from every plaque, ribbon, or award he'd ever earned. But he was willing to go through all of that for her: a normal, ordinary human girl. She knew, irrevocably, that she'd do anything for him, but she couldn't let him throw everything away for her... could she?

Something her father used to say to her throughout her life rang in her head: "Our galaxy, as large and as imperfect as it is, is just a tiny, insignificant spec compared to the rest of the universe. And then there's Earth: a tiny, insignificant spec of a planet with our tiny, insignificant spec of a galaxy."

She'd laughed, "So then what does that make humans? You and me? Am I just another tiny, insignificant spec of a person walking around this tiny, insignificant spec of a planet within our tiny, insignificant spec of a galaxy?"

He had shook his head fiercely. "No. You are the most significant, bright light in this universe, my dear. I don't believe that there has ever been anything remotely insignificant about you."

***

She heard her cell door open and looked up from her book to see Victus enter the room, a tray of food in his arms. He was beaming, and it piqued her interest. She put the book down and got up off of her bed to greet him.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"There's chatter that the Council is going to step in before the war gets out of hand," Victus said excitedly, taking her hands in his. "It'll be over soon. And then we can..."

"Be together," she breathed, finishing his thought.

He brought his hand up to her cheek, and she smiled at his touch.

Victus's mandibles flared in a huge smile, and he entangled his hands in her hair, and kissed her fiercely, his entire body shaking. 

"What if they see us?" she murmured against his mouth. 

"They won't," he replied softly.

"But..."

"Anna," he said firmly, "they're not going to find out."

"Adrien..." she sighed, pulling away from him. She sat back down on the bed and bent forward, rubbing her forehead, deep in thought. 

Victus sat beside her on the bed, resting his hand on her knee. "What is it?"

Tears glinted in her eyes as she looked up at him. "I had a nightmare. They killed you because they found out about us. It was so, so awful."

He wrapped his arms around her. "Anna, you know that's not going to happen."

"You're throwing everything away for me."

"I'm not throwing everything away, I'm fighting for our future. Together. It's all I can think about... it's everything I've ever wanted."

She began to cry, shaking in his arms. He kissed the top of her forehead and asked, "Isn't this what you want? I thought we covered this."

"I just want you to be happy," Anna sobbed softly, "but I don't want to ruin your life. I can't."

Victus wiped the tear from her cheek. "Anna, I've never been as happy than I am with you."

"But I'm a human!" She threw her hands up in the air and her eyes whipped around the cell. "This can't be what you want - sneaking around, waiting for the war to end or the chance to break me out. You are a good man and a loyal turian. You can't throw it all away just for me."

He kissed her softly, and her breathing slowed as she leaned into the embrace. He pulled back and took her hands in his.

"You once asked me if I ever stuck my neck out for myself; if I ever did what I wanted. I've been loyal to my world and this military since the moment I was born, always putting its needs before my own, and, you're right, it's made me a loyal turian. But I've never been truly loyal to myself."

"But..." she began to say, before he put a gentle, silencing finger to her mouth.

"Being with you has shown me who I want to be; the man that I should be. I can't imagine my future without you. I want to wake up beside you every morning, I want to laugh with you, to create with you, to listen to you sing and read. I want to argue with you, travel with you, and, one day many, many years from now, I want to die at your side knowing that you and I lived and loved together until our very last moments. I want that all with you. But, more than all of that, I want you to be happy, now and forever."

Anna's tears had doubled now, but she had a massive grin on her face as her eyes met his.

Victus carefully caressed her cheek. "That's it; it's what I'll always feel. What do you want?"

She leaned into his hand and placed her own on top of his.

"I want all of that, too," she whispered, "and, right now, I want you to stay with me."

His eyes widened, knowing exactly what she meant. 

"Are you sure?" he asked. 

She nodded at him, her eyes wide with arousal, excitement, and a hint of fear. 

"Okay," she breathed, knotting her hands together behind his neck and bringing him in for a soft kiss, "I'm ready."

***

He laid there, beside her, basking in her glow. He knew, in that very moment, that if he had one weakness, then his weakness was Anna Smith. And, he believed, she didn’t actually make him weak at all, but gave him strength. Sure, it made him a terrible turian: even if he was feeling this way over a turian female, he’d be branded weak, unfocused, and delirious.

But, if this was what delirium felt like, then he could live in it forever.

 

* * *

 

_“If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lay with me and just forget the world?”_

_– Snow Patrol, from ‘Chasing Cars’_


	14. Ceasefire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“When the sun has set, no candle can replace it.”_  
>  – George R.R. Martin

_"The Council has stepped in and ordered a ceasefire and treaty negotiations to begin immediately. The war with the humans is over. All POWs are to be released from confinement to the custody of the Alliance immediately. Anyone initiating hostile contact with the humans will face certain death. More formal updates to follow."_

Victus stared at the Primarch's face on his omni-tool screen. The priority message had come through just seconds ago, but Victus felt like the Primarch had talked for ages. He needed to tell Anna. He needed to get to her. She could finally be free... 

Relief washed over him in droves and he stood, still staring at his omnitool, in stunned silence. The mess hall had grown eerily quiet as the other officers around him let their new reality sink in - the humans were no longer the enemy. It was finally over.

Sweet reality had already sunk in for Victus: he wouldn't have to abandon his duty and betray the military to run away with her. The skies were finally clearing to let the sun through. He hated how cliche it sounded, but the future looked blindingly bright.

Suddenly finding his footing, Victus raced down the hallway towards the cell block, his heart leaping. The war with the humans was finally over! And his Anna was no longer a prisoner, or an enemy to his people. And maybe, just maybe, they could finally be together, without cell walls or divided lines holding them back.  The walls had come down and, while he was sure that no one would understand, he didn't much care what anyone thought about his relationship with Anna. He was madly in love with her: it was simple.

Two souls had found each other in terrible circumstances and found that they belonged together, despite the immense obstacles trying to force them apart. Simple.

All that mattered was that he could finally hold the woman that he loved more than anything in his arms outside of the cell walls and vow never to leave her side. There wasn't any danger anymore... nothing could keep them apart.

It was a curious thing: love. Victus had never really believed in it - he'd always thought that his one true love would be Palaven or his duty, but he'd been wrong. He still loved his home world, of course, but Anna... well, there was little that he wouldn't give up for her. To just be with her. To be near her warmth, and her laugh, and her smile, her voice. To feel her warm, soft human hands on his face and the touch of her skin on his. To watch the blush of her cheeks when they kissed... she was perfection. She owned him, willingly. 

And he knew that they would likely be ridiculed and judged and shunned. It didn't matter... it just simply didn't matter. This revelation only continued to surprise him; he’d never found anything that he would ever put before his people, but now he’d found the woman he’d give up anything for; the only woman who’d ever seen his heart… the only woman who he could turn his back on everything he’d ever known for and still feel at peace. He’d always felt that the only place he truly belonged was in the military, but he’d been questioned left and right and punished and judged for actions that were actually correct at the time. And, despite everything his people had done to her, Anna didn’t see him as just another turian or question or judge him; it only made sense that he’d finally found a place to belong. A place to rest his head: he _belonged_ with her and she with him.

Simple.

Victus quickened his pace as he rounded the corner, his head drumming with how to tell Anna that she was finally free. It was going to be one of the most important moments of his life.

It seemed like forever until he finally reached the mouth of the hallway of the cell block.

He looked towards her door, and his heart stopped: it was open. Had someone already let her out? 

"No, that's impossible," Victus muttered to himself. He was responsible for this cell block, and he would have been notified of the release schedule. 

His heart rate picked back up, but it was panic this time. His gut told him that something was very, very wrong. Sprinting towards Anna's room, he saw that the door hadn't been forced open. Someone had unlocked it. 

"Anna!" he cried out, his voice shrill with desperation and panic. 

As he skidded to a stop in front of Anna's door, he stepped in something wet. 

He looked down, feeling as if he were stuck in slow motion.

There was a large, red puddle pooling on the ground and the sickening scent of copper in the air. It permeated the world around him, suffocating him, and time seemed to grind to a screeching halt as his eyes travelled from where he'd stepped in the puddle to the body supplying it. 

She was lying there, dead, on the floor. Her eyes were still open, staring at him, tears merging with the blood on her face. Her lips were parted only a little, small trickles of blood clustered in the corners of her mouth. Her hand was outstretched towards the door, and the book that she'd read to him from laid just outside of her reach.

Victus crashed to his knees, an ear-shattering scream emanating from him. He grabbed her and cradled her limp body in his arms, rocking back and forth, continuing to wail at the top of his lungs. Time had caught up with him now, and he felt himself disintegrating as reality began to sink in. He didn’t care how he looked or what people would think of him now; the only thing that had ever made sense to him in his life was dead, cold, and lifeless in his arms. He would trade anything just to have her wake up and smile at him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. But it wasn’t. His love was dead.

 _My love is dead._  

He brushed the hair from her face and brought her into his chest, willing her heart to start beating and the bullet wound in between her eyes to go away. It was a clean, through shot - just one bullet.

 _Just one bullet._  

"No!" he screamed, "No! This isn't real. This can't be real!"

Victus closed his eyes, hoping that when he opened them again he'd just have woken up from a terrible nightmare. When his eyes flicked open and saw the turquoise of hers staring back at him, he thought that maybe it all had been just a horrid, horrid dream. But the bullet wound was still there. And Anna was still dead.

"No! Anna, Anna. Come back... come back..." he gasped.

"Colonel? Oh... Spirits! What happened?"

Victus looked up to see one of his sergeants at the door, his eyes wide.

But Victus couldn't answer him. He just continued to cradle Anna - his world - and rock back and forth, howling like a wounded animal. 

"Colonel Victus? Shit! Uh, Epidus to Menae Command? I have Colonel Victus in Cellblock 403 and a dead prisoner that looks like she’s been shot. Colonel unresponsive. Send help ASAP. Out."

Victus felt like the ground was going to swallow him whole, and he almost wished that it would. The grief was intense - worse than any wound he'd ever suffered, and he clutched Anna's body tighter, burying his face into her bloody hair. The lingering stench of copper was overwhelming, but her scent still remained. He breathed it in, willingly his body to quit on him then and there.

 _Let me go with her_ , he thought to himself as he closed his eyes, continuing to breathe in her sweet, sweet scent.  _Please let me be with her again._

It was then that the grief overtook him, and he lost consciousness. 

****

"Colonel? Colonel Victus, can you hear me?"

He knew where he was before he opened his eyes: the stark white lighting of the hospital was bearing down on his eyelids, and he could smell the bleak, sterile environment around him. The IV machine beeped beside him.

"I can hear you. I assume that I'm not dead, then."

"Um no, Colonel Victus, you're very much alive. How are you feeling?"

_Numb. Wishing I was dead._

"Confused," he answered. 

"Do you remember anything that happened?"

Of course he did: he could still see Anna lying there lifelessly, her lovely eyes still open, and the massive blood pool where the life had drained out of her. He could still smell the copper. Her scent had faded. 

"Yes."

"I've been asked to notify Command, the Primarch, and General Arterius when you're able to speak to them. Are you feeling up to it now?"

 _Arterius_. Victus's blood curdled at the name: he was certain that that asshole had something to do with this. 

"I'm fine," Victus snapped. 

"I'll send them in."

The nurse left and Victus began to clench and unclench his fists around the sheets of the hospital bed. His grief had turned to hot anger, and he wanted to destroy whatever - or whomever - got in his way. Consequences be damned; he'd just had his entire world shattered. And somebody was going to pay. 

"Colonel Victus. Glad to see that you're all right," the primarch said as he, the councillor, and Arterius entered the room.

Victus nodded.

"We were hoping that you could fill in the blanks, Colonel. What happened in that cell block? You were found holding a dead prisoner's body, covered in her blood, hysterically screaming. Did you kill her?"

Victus glared at the primarch. "No."

The primarch sighed and looked at his hands. "Victus, I'm going to be honest with you: this isn't good. Our alliance with the humans is only a day old, and now we have to report that one of their people was killed just before being released - a high-value marine - we'd told them that she was alive!"

"I didn't kill her," Victus hissed. 

"If I may, Primarch," Arterius spoke up, "I don't believe that Colonel Victus was responsible for the human's death. He had an... unnaturally close bond with the human. His reaction in the cell block seems to me to have been grief... sorrow."

"She had a name," Victus hissed again, "You can at least call her by it. She deserves your respect."

The councillor jerked suddenly, and stared at Victus. "'Unnatural bond', you said? What the hell does that mean?"

Arterius cleared his throat, "Uh, the Colonel will have to confirm this, but I believe that he was... romantically involved with the... with Commander Smith, sir."

The primarch and councillor both stared at Victus as Arterius stared at the ground. 

"Blasphemy!" the councillor cried.

"Is this... true, Victus?" the primarch asked quietly.

Victus squared his shoulders and raised his chin. He looked the primarch square in the eye. "Yes."

The councillor became obviously ruffled, and opened his mouth to say something, but the primarch held up a silencing hand. 

"I see. This is... surprising," the primarch said, his voice low. 

"You have to find out who killed her," Victus started, his voice growing increasingly louder and urgent, "someone executed her! She was an innocent, and someone murdered her! You need to find them... hang them... for Anna..." 

He couldn't help the sobs as they rose in his throat, "I loved her."

"Pull yourself together, Victus! You're a Colonel for Spirits' sake! Blubbering over a human..." the councillor snapped.

"Please, Councillor," the primarch said, his voice still low.

The councillor was glaring at Victus with pure hatred, Arterius was still looking at the floor, but the primarch was looking at him with pity. 

"Does anyone else know about this little tryst?" the councillor spat. 

"No, sir," Arterius answered. "Just myself."

"And how did you find out, General?"

"I broke orders and walked through the cell block while Victus was visiting Smith. Nothing, _ahem_ , salacious happened, but she was touching his hand and it was... intimate."

"And you didn't think to report this?"

"With all due respect, sir, Colonel Victus is one of our best. It was a shame that he was posted to Menae instead of finishing the war on the field... where he should have been. If he hadn't been on Menae, perhaps this wouldn't have happened."

"You dare..."

"The... relationship was secret. It didn't affect his duties, and I didn't see enough to confirm and fraternization. It was a hunch. It turned out to be true."

"You said that it was intimate!" the councillor roared. 

Arterius was silent. 

Victus winced as the memory hit him: her warm fingers wrapped around his hand, gently squeezing it, telling him that it was crazy, but she loved him too.

"Okay," the primarch said gently, noticing the pain on Victus' face, "this doesn't leave this room. I can respect that you had strong feelings for this woman, Victus, but if the humans find out... hell, if anyone else finds out, well, we simply must keep it quiet. As for her death..."

"We'll say that one of our junior officers was told to release the POWs from the cell block and inform them of the ceasefire," Arterius blurted, "Smith attempted to escape and the guard was forced to kill her to defend himself."

Victus snorted, "Yeah, that'll placate the humans."

Arterius stared at Victus, who returned the look. "What else do you have in mind? We can't tell them the truth."

"Tell them that she was murdered by an unknown assailant!" Victus yelled, "Then find the bastard, hang him, and send his head to the humans. I'll deliver the package myself- "

"The Councillor and I will handle this from here," the primarch interjected. "General Arterius, I'd like for you to continue to organize the release of any remaining POWs and have a full report to me by tomorrow afternoon at the very latest. Colonel Victus... please get well soon."

Arterius saluted the primarch as he walked past him out of the door. The councillor stopped at Victus's side as he followed the primarch and whispered under his breath, "You've had one too many chances, Victus. One more fuck up and I will court martial your ass, got it?"

"Good day, Councillor," Victus answered coldly, not meeting the man's eye. 

Arterius waited until both politicians were out of the door before turning to Victus, "I'm... sorry about Smith, Adrien."

"Are you, Desolas?"

"Colonel?"

"I know you did this, you self-righteous asshole."

"Adrien, listen to me...."

"No, listen to me, Arterius: you knew about Anna and I. You tortured her. Your man raped her. You killed her. And I'll prove it."

Arterius looked as if Victus had just shot him. "You have it all wrong. You think that I call all of the shots... you couldn't be more wrong. Something isn't right here. I swear to you that I didn't kill her, and I didn't tell anyone to kill her. I didn't have access to that cell block after what happened. She was executed - you said it yourself. The only human POW on Menae... the only human who knew Menae's secrets..." Arterius trailed off, looking deep in thought. 

"What are you saying?"

"Think about it, Victus: Smith was the last surviving member of her squad. If she had been recovered by the humans, think of all of the secrets she could have told them about Menae. Menae is top-level classified - even our long-time allies know virtually nothing about it."

Victus eyed Arterius warily, but didn't say anything. What the General was saying made sense, he supposed, but his gut was still telling him that Arterius was behind this, and it was taking a great, almost painful, amount of restraint for Victus not to strangle him. 

Arterius sighed, "I have to go. I have lots to coordinate. You're going to be sent back to Palaven when you're up and able."

"Doing what?"

"Returning to regular duty. You're a terrific soldier and leader, Victus, but remember that you're treading on thin ice."

"Yeah, thanks. I'll remember that."

"Do yourself a favour: let this go. Have your time to mourn, but don't pursue this. You'd be putting a target on your back."

"Isn't it time for you to leave?"

Arterius stiffened up and nodded curtly. "It is, I suppose. I'm obviously intruding."

Victus narrowed his eyes and watched Desolas walk towards the door. Desolas stared back at him, and Victus wasn't sure if it was the medication, but he was certain that Desolas' eyes had turned entirely black before it was blinked away.

"One last thing, Adrien: don't confuse friend with foe. You have more people on your side than you know."

And then he was gone, leaving Victus steaming, confused thoughts of revenge, grief, and unbearable pain floating through his head.

“How are you feeling now, Colonel Victus?” the nurse asked as she re-entered the room.

Victus turned his head and stared at her, but he didn’t say anything.

_Still numb. Still wishing I was dead._

* * *

 

_"And there's no one here who loves you_

_Like I do_

_Thank God this much is true_

_Thank God this much is true"_

_\- The 88, from 'No One Here'_


	15. I Dreamed A Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."_   
>  \- Irish Proverb

The nightmares were coming on an increasingly frequent basis, but he found himself not wanting them to end, if only for him to be able to see Anna. Her memory haunted his waking hours, and possessed him while he slept. Sometimes he didn't see her, but at times he could hear her voice softly singing, the tinkle of her laugh, but, in the deepest, darkest parts of his sleep, he could also hear her calling out for him:

 

 

_Adrien!_

 

 

Though each nightmare ended with her being ripped away from him, he was able to relive their time together as if it were really happening again. It all felt so real; every touch, every kiss, every time his heart skipped when she smiled at him, every awkward giggle the night they'd spent together, entwined in each other, and enjoying every bit of the skin to skin contact. He would go back, again and again, just to have those moments in his mind, even if it meant watching her die all over again. To remember her the way that she'd been, the way that she smiled at him, the way that she'd loved him... it was worth it. 

This nightmare was different from the others; it seemed to begin at the end. He was sitting in the middle of the interrogation room where they'd first met, cradling her in his lap, his hand placing pressure on a large, gaping wound to her stomach. His subconscious mind interjected: this wasn't right - what was happening?

"Anna! Hang on - you're going to be all right," he said, trying to steady his voice. He whipped his head around, trying to take in his surroundings, but there was only darkness. The only light was a single bulb, hanging over the blood-stained chair she'd been tied to. 

Anna reached down and touched the wound, looking at her blood-stained hand, her eyes widening. She was taking in sharp, quick breaths, and she began to cry. Blood formed on her lips, and she swallowed hard. 

"It's... too late for me. I don't.. think that this... can be fixed."

Victus was frantic. "Don't say that! Just hold on. Someone will come to help us."

He could hear the blood gurgle in the back of her throat as she breathed in. She looked at him, her eyes large and panicked. "Adrien, I-"

She began to cough violently, blood spurting from her mouth. 

"Just stay still. Stay with me."

"It's too late for me," she repeated, her voice strained, "whatever happens, I want you to know that... I love you. I... always have. I always will."

He was keening over freely now, unable to move from her side. "I love you, too," he whispered.

Blood dripped from her mouth as she inhaled sharply. She brought her hand up to caress the side of his face. "You're going to save the galaxy one day," she whispered, choking on her sobs.

The pain was so intense that it made his voice shake, "But I don't want to. Not without you."

Anna smiled, her breathing becoming more and more laboured. "I-I'll always... be with you," she said, tears streaming from her eyes. Her hand dropped from his face, and her breathing slowed. Her eyes seemed to focus on something behind him, glazing over as she let out one last, long exhale before going limp in his arms. 

He felt himself collapse, screaming over her, bringing her tightly to his chest. It felt too familiar.

"Anna!" he shouted. 

_Adrien!_

He sat up straight in his bed, his eyes flying open at the same time. It took him a minute to get his bearings, but finally his heart began to settle and he laid back down. He crossed his hands over his chest and lay there like a corpse, the awful dream replaying over and over in his head - it had all seemed so real. Watching her die in his nightmare was almost as bad as finding her dead had been in reality, and he felt himself become numb again. 

He didn't want to do this, any of this, without her. 


	16. Funerary March

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _All I want is nothing more_   
>  _To hear you knocking at my door_   
>  _'Cause if I could see your face once more_   
>  _I could die a happy man I'm sure_
> 
> _When you said your last goodbye_   
>  _I died a little bit inside_   
>  _I lay in tears in bed all night_   
>  _Alone without you by my side_
> 
>   _But if you loved me_  
>  _Why'd you leave me?_  
>  _Take my body_  
>  _Take my body_  
>  _All I want is,_  
>  _And all I need is_  
>  _To find somebody._  
>  _I'll find somebody like you._
> 
> _So you brought out the best of me,_   
>  _A part of me I've never seen._   
>  _You took my soul and wiped it clean._   
>  _Our love was made for movie screens._
> 
> _But if you loved me_  
>  _Why'd you leave me?_  
>  _Take my body,_  
>  _Take my body._  
>  _All I want is,_  
>  _And all I need is_  
>  _To find somebody._  
>  _I'll find somebody like you._  
>  \- Kodaline, from ‘All I Want’

Victus sat on his bed back in his home in Cipritine in the dark, staring down at Anna's medallion in his palm. He traced his finger over it, his chest tight and his throat constricted. Memories of her flooded his mind; he tried to tell his brain to only replay the good ones, but every time it ended up showing him the gruesome scene of her on the floor, blood all around her, the bullet wound that had so quickly taken her beautiful life a gaping hole in her forehead.

The numbness was overwhelming, and Victus felt like he was just existing. The medallion was becoming shiny because of how much he'd been holding it, but he couldn't let go of it. He'd thought he'd lost it a few days ago, and the panic had rendered him almost immobile.

"I gave that to you."

The sound of her voice shocked him, and his entire body jerked. He turned his head to the left slowly, not believing his eyes as they focused on Anna sitting on the bed beside him. She looked completely real and totally alive, save for the bullet wound visible between her eyes, a blood trail winding in her forehead and travelling down towards her nose. Her hair was the same matted, bloody mess that it had been the day when he'd found her on the floor. But her eyes were still the same, sparkling turquoise they'd always been, and when she smiled at him, his heart rate picked up.

"You're not real," he murmured.

"No, of course not. I'm _dead_."

"Why are you here? Is this just some cruel joke that my brain is playing on me?"

Anna wiped the trail of blood from between her eyes and stared at her fingers. "Yuck."

"Answer me!"

"I'm here because you need to let me go."

He squeezed his eyes shut, and closed his fist too tightly around the medallion, enjoying the pain that shot through his arm.

"I can't," he whispered, "I can't let go."

There was no answer, and he opened his eyes to the darkness of his bedroom once more. Anna wasn't there. Hell, she'd never actually been there, but it had seemed so hauntingly real. He'd almost wished that it had been real, or that perhaps his heart had broken so far beyond repair that it had finally decided to quit and she'd been coming to greet him as he passed into the afterlife. Victus stood up, shaken from the hallucination, and began to walk from his bedroom, the medallion still firmly clutched in his hand.

He floated through the dark hallways, drifting down the stairs in silence. It was as if he were a ghost himself.

_I'm here because you need to let me go._

The light that he always kept on in the kitchen lit his way as he entered, opening his liquor cabinet to grab a bottle of brandy, and then moving towards another cabinet for a glass.

"Adrien."

Victus closed the cabinet door and jumped as he saw Anna standing in the middle of his kitchen, looking the same as she had in his bedroom. 

"Go away," he breathed, bowing his head and closing his eyes. He opened them, expecting her to have vanished, but she was still standing there.

"You need to let me go," she repeated, her voice wavering.

"No," he replied, his voice shaking. He turned to his glass and began to pour the brandy into the bottle. His entire body was shaking now, and the brandy bottle made a slight 'ting!' as it bounced off of the mouth of the glass. "No. I can't. I won't."

"What are you going to do? Drink it all away?" She was right beside him now, leaning on the counter and watching as he filled the glass almost to the brim.

Victus turned towards the living room, trying to ignore her.

"Adrien!" her voice was shrill now, and it made him jump, spilling his drink. 

"Damn it," he muttered, setting his glass down on the counter, and walking across the kitchen to grab a cloth to wipe his shirt.

"Adrien!" Anna cried again, but her voice was far-away now.

Victus whipped around to face where she'd been, but she'd disappeared.

He made his way into the living room, shaking once more from the encounter, and turned on the vid-screen, settling into his chair. Perhaps there would be an action vid on that would take his mind off of things. As the screen flicked on, he noticed that he didn't have his glass of brandy, so he got up to return to the kitchen to grab it. When he returned, he sat back down and turned the volume up.

It was a feature that ANN, the newest channel that was being broadcast on Palaven, was doing about the return of the human POWs to Earth. The camera was fixated on the mass of shuttles that were returning, and then turned to scan the crowd of human families waiting anxiously to welcome their missing loved ones home. Victus felt bile rise in his throat at the hopeful, teary faces of the humans as they jostled for a position to greet the returning POWs as they came off of the shuttles. He wasn't sure if Anna's family had been notified of her death; he wasn't even sure what the Primarch had told the Alliance about her. He closed his eyes and let the thought stab him in the heart, and then took a swig of his brandy to numb it.

He willed himself to change the channel, but he couldn't look away. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and turned the volume up even higher.

_"We're here in Vancouver, awaiting the arrival of the brave men and women whose release was part of the treaty negotiations with the Turian Hierarchy,"_ a reporter was saying off-camera,  _"The air here is filled with hope and excitement. Many families have made banners to welcome their loved ones home. We're told that the soldiers will be getting off of the shuttles very soon, and we at the Alliance News Network want to say a very warm 'Welcome Home!' to all of these men and women."_

The reporter continued to speak excitedly, almost drowned out by the noises of the people screaming and crying as they reunited with their loved ones. The returning soldiers were crying, too. Some were incredibly skinny, many were bruised, but all were visibly overcome by emotion at finally coming home.

_"Anna! Where is Anna?"_ a man with a long, white beard called out, weaving through the throngs of happy reunions.  _"Anna! Anna Smith?"_

Victus jerked upright, an uncomfortable electricity shooting through him.

"My dad," Anna said, appearing on the sofa beside him.

He stared at her through bleary eyes, allowing the hallucination to remain.

"He doesn't know that you're dead," Victus said dully, turning his attention back to the screen.

Anna's father was zig-zagging through the people, his eyes growing wide and desperate. The camera scanned and showed a woman following him, holding his hand, her own eyes searching the area frantically. 

"Maybe the Alliance didn't tell them yet," she said.

Victus looked on as Anna's parents picked up their pace, shouting her name.

_"Anna! Anna Smith! Anna, where are you?"_

The reporter caught the eye of Anna's parents and waved them over. Her father was now crying, and her mother continued to whip her head around, scanning the crowd.

_"Are you looking for someone?"_ the reporter asked.

_"Our daughter. Her name is Anna Smith. She's a lieutenant-commander with the 103rd Marine Division. We don't know where she was sent. We don't know what happened to her,_ " Anna's father choked.

_"And you haven't been able to find her here tonight?"_

_"No. I won't rest until we find her. We just want her to come home."_

Her mother didn't say anything, but put a hand over her mouth and began to sob quietly. Anna's father put his arm around his wife, and brought her into his chest, his eyes wild with desperation and panic above her head.

Anna looked over at Victus with tears in her eyes. "I hope that they find some peace."

He stared back at her angrily. "That's all you have to say? Can't you see that this is killing them?"

She didn't say anything.

Victus downed the rest of his brandy and set the glass down hard on the coffee table in front of him. 

"Killing them? Or killing you?" Anna asked softly.

He cradled his head in his hands and stared at the empty glass on the table in front of him. The reflection of the screen flickered on the shiny surface of the table. He turned his head towards her and said softly, "I miss you."

"I know," she replied, "but you have to let me go."

He didn't answer her, but looked back at the screen. The camera was still trained on Anna's parents as the reporter droned on off-screen about the tragedies and the impact that the war, even though it was over, was still having on humanity. Victus tuned the reporter's voice out, instead focusing on the desperate look that still overtook Anna's father's face.

_"Can you tell us what you're thinking right now, sir?"_

Anna's father looked at the reporter with sad eyes. _"We just want to find Anna. Lieutenant-Commander Anna Smith,"_ he repeated, looking directly into the camera. His eyes were the same turquoise colour as Anna's had been. Victus jolted in his seat.

_"If she is missing in action, then what will your next step be? Will you seek answers from the Turian Hierarchy? Do you blame them?"_

Victus felt himself become enraged: what kind of question was that? How dare the reporter ask two obviously grief-stricken parents such a question? How dare she imply that Anna was dead... but, he reminded himself, Anna _was dead_. Missing in action, killed in action... whatever you wanted to call it didn't make any difference whatsoever: Anna was  _gone._

But, instead of becoming angry, Anna's father's eyes softened.  _"We don't blame them. Each side fought for what they believed in. Even if the soldiers don't believe in what their governments tell them they're fighting for, they're still fighting for their own lives. If Anna was... killed, then she goes to meet her Maker having fought for her life. She goes as a proud warrior, and we will honour our daughter's sacrifice the way she would have wanted us to. But we will not give up on her. That's all I'd like to say."_

Victus turned back to where Anna had been sitting, but she was gone. Instead, he stared into the blackness, punctuated only by the light from the vid-screen, letting Anna's father's words swirl around the empty room, filling the black space until it felt like the walls were closing in on him. He wished that he could launch himself through the screen and kneel at Anna's parents' feet, begging them to forgive him for failing their daughter. Begging them to put him out of his misery... begging them to let him join their daughter. He sat, stewing in his inner turmoil, until it left him and the walls receded. He couldn't change what had happened, as much as he wanted to, but he could follow Anna's parents' example: he wasn't going to give up. 

And, as Victus poured himself another brandy, ridden with guilt and grief, he vowed that he wouldn’t ever go down without fighting. When the day came for him to meet his own Maker, then he'd have to earn the right to enter the afterlife and see her again. There were only two things he’d ever loved more than he thought possible; one was dead, and the other was his planet – his people. He wasn’t able to protect Anna, but he would protect Palaven and her people or die trying. He would be a good turian, true to his honour and his duty, but he wouldn’t forget his first love… he couldn’t forget her.

At least he could promise himself one thing: whatever good he did in the future he would do for her. For Palaven, of course, but it too would be for Anna – it would always be for Anna.


	17. I Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“Oscar Wilde said, ‘The heart was made to be broken’, but I disagree. The heart was made to love, to grieve, to forgive, to forget, and to keep on beating. Without the heart, none of us would be alive. It’s what you do with that life that matters.”_  
>  \- Anonymous

Linnea Victus stared at her husband over her pregnant belly, watching as he finished speaking to Palaven command about his next deployment. She studied his face and the stoic way he spoke, though she could sense his eagerness to get back out on duty. It was something she'd always admired about him. 

"Where to this time?" she asked after he'd signed off the comm. 

Adrien looked at her. "Routine patrol in the Castellus system. Few weeks."

"Will you be back before I give birth?"

"Yes."

Linnea cradled her belly. "I think it's a boy."

"One can hope!" her husband chuckled, "Any name ideas?"

"I'm partial to Tarquin or Brutus for a boy."

"What if it's a girl?" Adrien asked, placing his hand tenderly on her belly and smiling. 

Linnea stiffened the way she always did when her husband showed her affection. It was tender and loving, sure, but she could sense his sadness with each touch. She knew of his crushing desire that he would look up and she would be Anna; he didn't look at her the way he'd looked at Anna, he didn't touch her the way he'd touched Anna, and he certainly didn't love her the way he'd loved Anna. 

Adrien had asked her to join with him just over two years after the end of the war with the humans, and she’d happily accepted. When he’d proposed, she’d believed that he was ready to put whatever had happened with Anna behind him and return the love that she had for him, but it was all evident on their wedding day that, while she knew that he’d grown to love her, it paled drastically in comparison to the love he’d had for the human woman. She’d held her tongue, however. It had been what she wanted, and to become a part of the Victus family was a great honour in itself. When she’d become pregnant, it had been the happiest she’d ever seen her husband, but even the happiness felt forced at times. The only thing that seemed to bring him any kind of true contentment was his duty. It was yet another thing that Linnea felt she needed to compete with for Adrien’s affections. The only other time she saw true, unabashed contentment on her husband’s face was when he’d learned of Desolas Arterius’ fate at Temple Palaven – he’d always mistrusted and disliked Arterius, and hearing that the disgraced General was dead had made Adrien’s face break out into a broad smile that Linnea had never seen the likes of.

It wasn’t that she didn’t feel loved; he’d always been good to her, and he was still the same Adrien that she’d fallen in love with before – with just a few gaping holes that were evident only to her. It was because she knew about him and Anna, but she’d never told her husband. She knew that she’d have to tell him eventually; keeping it in for the last few years had been like picking at a hangnail until it developed into an infected wound. Perhaps now was the time.

"Lin?" Adrien asked, bringing her back to reality. 

She took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. "What about 'Anna' for a girl?"

Linnea wasn't prepared for her husband's reaction, and she immediately regretted saying it. He yanked his hand off of her belly and stood stick-straight, his mandibles flaring and his eyes glowing with anger and a deep, deep sadness. 

Adrien turned away from his wife and she saw his fists clench. "What did you just say?" he growled. 

It startled her; she'd never seen him so angry at her, but she wasn't going to let him intimidate her. She returned his glare. 

"I know," she spat. 

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I know what happened between you and Anna!"

Adrien turned to face her now, his mandibles flaring even wider, but he didn't say anything. 

"I saw you kiss her!" Linnea shouted, fighting to maintain her composure. "I heard you tell her that you loved her, Adrien!"

He continued to stare at her silently. It infuriated her. All of the emotional turmoil that had built up over the years suddenly came pouring out. 

"I saw you the day that you betrayed everything that we were fighting for. You forgot what side you were on. You betrayed _me,"_ Linnea screamed.

His eyes dropped to his feet, but he remained silent. 

"Did you really love her?"

A nod. 

Linnea's heart was breaking all over again. "It wasn't just that one time, was it?"

He shook his head. 

"What was your plan, then? After the war ended, you two were just going to live out your little romance?"

Another head shake.

"What was it, then? Run away? Abandon your life? Turn your back on everything you'd worked for?"

He stared at her. 

She felt defeated. "Do you still love her?"

Adrien met her eye, and she knew the answer without him needing to speak. 

She leaned over and vomited on the ground, and it was then that her water broke. 


	18. Bad Things Happen to Good People

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _"And we sang dirges in the dark_  
>  _The day the music died."_  
>  \- Don MacLean, from ‘American Pie’

Victus stood silently, standing beside his teenaged son as the casket carrying Linnea’s body moved past them. He fell in line behind the procession, his head down and his heart heavy. Tarquin was sobbing softly beside him, and Victus placed his arm over him, taking on his son’s grief and sorrow. He hated to see his son suffering like that, but he allowed him to openly grieve publicly. And, though, Victus himself was grieving, he didn’t show it – it wasn’t becoming of a turian male, and a turian senior officer at that, to outwardly show his emotions. He had to be strong for his son now anyways.

As they lowered Linnea's body into the grave, Victus felt Tarquin clutch his hand to steady himself. As brave as Tarquin had been through everything - his mother's illness, decline, and death - he still relied heavily on his father for support and comfort, and Victus strived to be there for his son. He didn't want to watch Tarquin fade away, too. 

Linnea, true to form, had fought fiercely against the cancer, but, in the end, it had overpowered her and she'd faded away. But she'd fought until the very end.

Victus had always admired his wife for that; despite all of the hardships she'd faced, she remained steadfast and strong. He'd been by her side until the very end, holding her hand as she took her last breath. Tarquin had been there, too, but watching his mother die and knowing that there was nothing he could do to save her was excruciating for him. Tarquin had inherited his protective nature from his father, but his patience and resolve came from his mother. He'd lovingly helped his mother, especially after she'd been bedridden, telling her stories and just sitting with her, correcting her patiently when her memory began to falter. Though he was just a teenager, he'd grown so much since Linnea had been diagnosed, and, though Victus was impressed with his son, he also feared that it had caused him to grow up too fast.

And, as he watched Tarquin shake hands with the many bereaved friends and family passing on their condolences as they passed Linnea's grave with a handful of dirt, it struck Victus how old Tarquin looked. He looked like an old man; tired, haggard, and bent from the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"Excuse me, Corinthus," Victus said, not taking his eyes off of his son, "I should relieve Tarquin. He looks exhausted."

"Of course, Colonel. I'll stay for a bit longer. If you need anything..."

"Would you be able to take Tarquin home?"

"Of course."

"Appreciate it, Major," Victus nodded, shaking Corinthus' hand. He strolled over to his son, who was mumbling a monotonous 'thank you for being here' to each person that came up to him, shaking each hand limply as if it was an assembly line.

Victus put his arm around Tarquin, and his son straightened up. "I can have someone take you home," he murmured, taking over the hand-shaking duties.

Tarquin looked at his father in relief. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. You've been very brave and strong today, Tarquin. I'm very proud of you."

"Thank you."

"Your mother's death has been hard on all of us. Major Corinthus can take you home. I can finish up here and I'll see you there."

"Thanks, Dad," Tarquin sighed, "I hope that there aren't any more days like this."

Victus smiled at his son as he watched him walk away. His heart broke for him, and he couldn't help but feel guilty that he couldn't protect Tarquin from all of the pain and agony he was experiencing. Victus knew what it felt like, and he hated to watch his own flesh and blood experience it. He plunged his hand into his pocket, searching for Anna's token, and he felt relief wash over him as his hand grasped the familiar metal. He excused himself and began to walk among the headstones, his eyes reading each name in passing. Linnea had never wanted anything fancy written on her headstone; in fact, she didn't want anything on it at all, but Victus had had 'Beloved daughter, sister, wife and mother' engraved underneath her name.

The epitaphs on the headstones he passed were similar: 'beloved husband', 'cherished wife and daughter', 'loyal brother', but there was one that was unusual. He had seen it before; the tomb of the unknown soldier. It was covered in flowers and there were even some letters that people had written and left at the grave, hoping that their loved ones who had never been recovered would somehow receive their messages in the afterlife. He wondered if it actually worked; would the souls, even if they were lost, be able to receive these messages wherever they were? When he'd dreamed of Anna or Linnea, was that actually their souls coming back to see him? 

Victus stood, staring at the grave of an unknown warrior, the scars from two lost loves fresh on his heart. He dropped to his knees and traced the epitaph with his fingers, letting his grief surround him like a bubble, blocking out the world around him.

_"For all those who died for our freedoms who were never returned to us, may they never be forgotten."_

"Never," Victus whispered.


	19. Fear The Reaper(s)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Because of a great love, one is courageous.”_  
>  – Lao T’zu

Victus walked through the Palaven Command building in the heart of Cipritine, nodding at each soldier who stood up to salute and acknowledge him. There was a slight sense of anxiety in the air as the rumours that the batarians had been wiped out by the Reapers had turned out to be true, and now the turians knew that the Reapers were breathing down their necks. He’d heard that they’d lost contact with Taetrus, so the only logical next step was that the Reapers would be hitting Palaven next. Or Earth. 

"General Victus. The rest of the committee is waiting for you," a young female soldier said, saluting him as he arrived at the offices of Palaven Command. 

"Thank you," he murmured. He pulled out Anna's token and stared at it in the palm of his hand.

"General Victus?" 

Victus turned to see who belonged to the voice and met the blue eyes of Garrus Vakarian. A nervous-looking Garrus Vakarian. 

"Advisor Vakarian," Victus said, saluting him, "What brings you here?"

"The Reapers are coming, sir. Earth," Vakarian choked on the word, "has been hit. And some of our colonies have gone dark. We need to get the advantage... and fast."

Victus gave him a searching look, wondering why Vakarian seemed so unkempt, and then it dawned on him that Vakarian's old commander was on Earth - Shepard. He'd heard Vakarian regale about Commander Shepard, bragging about her feats and accomplishments, and always underplaying the role he had had in them. They were obviously very good friends, though there were rumours that they'd been more than friends, but, all rumours aside, Victus could understand why Vakarian was worried about her. 

"Have you been able to reach -?" Victus began, but the look Vakarian gave him silenced him.

"No," Garrus said curtly. "I've been trying, but no communications have come or gone past the Sol Relay."

Victus stared at Garrus in an understanding way; he knew what it was like not to know if someone you cared about was all right. So… maybe they _had_ been more than friends? It wasn't like Vakarian to let his emotions show on his face or through his voice. Victus shook his head and scolded himself - no, of course not. He'd never believed the rumours anyways.

"Men," Primarch Fedorian entered the room and everyone stood at attention, saluting him in unison, "we've lost contact with the Citadel. Taetrus has fallen. Earth has... fallen. The Reapers are here."

Victus saw Garrus tense up beside him. He met eyes with Fedorian, and the look in Fedorian’s eyes was unlike anything he’d ever seen come over his old friend; Fedorian looked utterly exhausted and defeated. The energetic determination that had made the Primarch so popular and well-regarded had faded and was barely palpable as he addressed the room. It was an air of hopelessness, of despair, and once again Victus had the terrible feeling rise in his gut that the turian people were walking into a war that they could not win.

"And we have received reports that cities in the Northern Hemisphere have stopped reporting in. We need to move. Vakarian - what do we do?" Fedorian continued. 

"We need to get to Menae. Set up a defensive position there and try to flank any incoming enemy forces as they move towards Palaven. It might give us time to, at the very least, distract them and evacuate civilians from the planet," Garrus answered stoically. 

"Okay. Corinthus, Victus - you'll be in charge of setting up command outposts and maintaining connection with Palaven command. Victus, this is your show. Get your men ready, and I want all fighters prepped and in the air. Vakarian, we'll need you on the ground," Fedorian ordered.

Garrus spoke up, "Sir, you should come with us. It will be safer to get you out of system from Menae than here. You need to get to the Citadel."

"Yes. I've informed the Council of our summit idea and Sparatus and Udina at least are behind it. We move in thirty minutes," Fedorian said, suddenly sounding exhausted. 

Garrus nodded, turning on his heel, and taking off like a shot towards the exit. Victus could hear him speaking to someone via omnitool, though he could only make out one word: "Shepard."

Victus looked down at the token he still clutched in his hand and ran his finger over it fondly. 

"Put in a good word for me," he murmured, placing the medallion back into his pocket before turning on his heel and setting off after Vakarian.


	20. Back to Menae

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“We don’t develop courage by being happy every day. We develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.”_  
>  – Barbara de Angelis

The Harvester was relentless, dropping Cannibals, Marauders, and Brutes into every spot of bare land in front of him and his men. Menae had been a great idea, sure, but the Reapers seemed to be able to spawn endlessly. And Palaven was burning. Everywhere was burning. 

"General Victus! I've got an incoming hail from General Corinthus. The connection is bad," one of his men shouted. 

"Not now!" Victus replied, taking down a Marauder with a perfect headshot. "Damn it! Daedalus, watch your flank!! We've got husks everywhere!"

He popped out of cover and took down a husk, cringing as he had a flashback to the First Contact War with the humans. And this, of course, made him think of Anna. He'd do anything to see her again, but he wasn't going to give up and die and leave his people to fight these damned Reapers by themselves. Anna could wait... for now.  

"Someone's here!" another one of his men shouted, motioning with his rifle towards the front of the camp. Three figures were closing in on the Reaper forces from the back ranks: a human male, a turian in blue armour, and a human female. Victus stared and blinked, unbelieving, as the human female sent a biotic shockwave to topple a row of four husks charging her. 

"I think that turian is Advisor Vakarian, sir!"

"Let's clear the camp! We've got reinforcements now," Victus said, admiring the tenacity of the human male going head to head with a Brute. 

"Now's our chance, boys!" he shouted as the human female sent another biotic blast into a Brute's chest, killing it instantly. 

He knew immediately who she was: Commander Kate Shepard, and, Spirits, was he intrigued to see what brought her to Menae. As the last Cannibal fell, Victus stood and began to walk into the camp, towards Shepard.

Victus kept an eye on Vakarian, but his attention was turned back to Shepard as Victus approached the Commander, greeting her. She certainly was lovely for a human, and those green eyes reminded him so much of the blue-green hue of Anna's that he had to shake his head and bring himself back to reality. 

Vakarian seemed as if he was in a dreamland himself. He was carrying himself differently, his voice flanged more intensely, and he was constantly watching Shepard. The nervous air from before had completely dissipated and Vakarian seemed completely at ease, and he was  _smiling_. Victus had never seen Vakarian's face break out into a smile like the one he wore each time Shepard spoke or acknowledged him. Perhaps the rumours _had_ been true...

"Fedorian is dead. You're the new Primarch."

Victus was in shock. Him? The Primarch of Palaven? He could hear Anna'a voice in his head: _"You're going to be a diplomat? Might as well just lie down and die now."_

He walked away from the group, staring up at his burning home, with his mind racing. He mourned the loss of Fedorian - he would have been the best choice, hell, even Corinthus would have made a better Primarch than him! But now it fell to him to represent Palaven and negotiate for the Hierarchy. Spirits, he wasn't cut out for this! He'd never been diplomatic - he'd hated diplomats since the hearing that had got him stationed to Menae all those years ago. His place was in the trenches beside his men, not dealing with politicians or political bullshit. 

He stared at the massive orange blaze of Cipritine, memories flashing in his mind. He closed his eyes and the last thirty years of his life danced behind his eyelids. He saw places and faces: Menae, his home on Cipritine, the hospital where Tarquin was born, Linnea, Tarquin, and... Anna. He remembered the promise he'd made to himself.

 _You're going to save the galaxy one day_. 

Victus dove his hand into his ammo pouch and fingered the token, closing his eyes. 

_Damn it, Anna. What do I do?_

The answer came to him almost automatically: unconventional strategy was the only way to beat the Reapers, and having unconventional allies might be the only way to save the entire galaxy. 

He knew what came next. Turning to Shepard, he said, "We need the krogan. I can’t see us winning this thing without them."

The look she gave him almost made him laugh, but he also saw a look of understanding in her eyes. 

"Guess your summit just got a lot more interesting."


	21. Memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”_  
>  – Louise Erdrich, from 'The Painted Drum'

Victus was restless. The Normandy ran so quietly and he usually had no trouble sleeping, but tonight the quiet was deafening. So he had decided to wander the ship a bit to tire himself out a bit. 

He'd made it down to the crew deck, which was silent except for a dull hum coming from the main battery. Victus had been certain that Garrus slept in the main battery, but after he'd found out about Shepard and Vakarian... well, he was certain that Garrus wasn't sleeping anywhere else but the captain's cabin now. 

Victus walked towards the main battery, following the hum, and punched the entry button. The doors slid open and he entered the large room. He'd been right: it was empty. Garrus' Mantis was laid out on the weapon bench on one side of the room, and feeds from Palaven danced across the screen on the opposite side. Victus walked over to the screen and noticed the hum got louder. 

"Um... EDI?" Victus asked aloud. 

_"Yes, Primarch?"_

"There is a hum in the main battery here... do you know what's causing it?"

_"It is an open comm line that Garrus has asked me to continuously monitor and patch through. It is to relay any word from Palaven. Or his family."_

"And has there been anything yet?"

_"Not yet. I have suggested that Garrus ask Specialist Traynor for assistance, but he has refused."_

"He's a little stubborn."

_"Agreed."_

"So what if this comm line picks something up? He's not sleeping here. He won't get the message."

_"He has connected his omnitool and set it to notify him. I believe that it will trigger an alarm on his omnitool to wake him if necessary, and patch through this comm."_

"I doubt that Commander Shepard would appreciate being woken up like that."

EDI paused. _"She worries about him. She has already spoken to Specialist Traynor to monitor turian communications for news of his father and sister."_

"I will try to find news myself."

_"I believe Garrus would appreciate that, sir."_

"Does Garrus know that Shepard is having turian communications monitored?"

_"I do not know, Primarch. However, there is not much that Shepard and Garrus keep from each other, so I extrapolate that he likely knows of her actions."_

"Do you believe that she loves him?"

EDI paused again, and her voice was pensive as she spoke, _"Yes, without a doubt. I am certain that she has loved him for a very long time."_

"And what of his feelings for her?"

_"The same. Though Jeff has speculated that Garrus developed romantic feelings for the Commander during their time on the Normandy SR-1. I was not installed aboard the original Normandy, so I cannot speculate or comment on this."_

"And what has the crew's reaction been to their relationship?"

_"All positive, Primarch. I have not monitored any discontent in regards to the relationship between Garrus and Shepard."_

"Good to hear."

_"If I may ask, Primarch Victus, why are you asking me these sorts of questions?"_

He was the one to take a pause now. "I... suppose that I just wanted to ensure that the fact that they are engaged in a cross-species relationship is not a problem."

_"It is not. Is it a problem for you?"_

"No, of course not! I... well, EDI, I can understand it."

_"Have you witnessed many cross-species relationships before, Primarch?"_

Victus sighed. He couldn't believe that he was having this conversation with an AI, but he supposed that she would likely be the least judgmental.

"I have some experience with them. I mean, I don't have much experience dealing with humans, but during the First Contact War I... carried on a relationship with a human prisoner. Anna."

" _I see on my records that you were stationed on Menae during much of the conflict."_

 _"_ Yes _."_

" _I have record of a Lieutenant-Commander Anna Smith as killed in action during her imprisonment on Menae. Was this the woman that you were involved with?"_

Victus' heart stopped. _"_ Y-yes... that's my Anna."

_"She was posthumously honoured and there is currently a plaque in her name at the First Contact War Memorial at Alliance command in Vancouver."_

"Really? I didn't know that," Victus said quietly, "Perhaps when this war is over I will visit and pay my respects. I would appreciate you keeping this conversation of ours private please, EDI."

_"Of course, Primarch."_

"Thank you."

* * *

 

 _“I’d like to visit Earth,”_ _he’d told Anna all those years ago._

_“Maybe you will one day. When this is all over,” she’d replied._


	22. Die for the Cause

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Disclaimer: The dialogue at the end of this chapter was written and is owned by Bioware. I don't claim credit for it; it was included as part of my own re-telling of the scene.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“Was it hard?” I ask, “Letting go?”  
>  “Not as hard as holding on to something that wasn’t real.”_  
> \- Lisa Schroeder

Lieutenant Tarquin Victus wasn't one to brood about certain things, but this was an exception. He just couldn't shake it. 

It was something in the way that Shepard and Vakarian had just... been around each other; he couldn't really put his finger on it, but the way that they had moved through the battlefield on Tuchanka had been seamless and graceful, and then he'd watched them as he and his squad waited for the shuttles to arrive. They'd stayed behind to ensure that the Ninth Platoon got into the shuttles safely, and Tarquin had observed them out of the corner of his eye. Seeing one of them was a privilege, but getting to meet the great Commander Shepard AND Garrus Vakarian at once was an honour, and his observation was strictly due to his own fascination with each of the two heroes. 

Sure, he'd heard the rumours about Vakarian and Shepard, but it had mostly been jokes about how the scarred Vakarian's only romantic options were a female krogan or a human biotic zombie. And Tarquin had never believed them... until now. 

They'd been off in their own little world, speaking to each other in murmurs a few feet away from where he and his squad were waiting. The large human marine who had accompanied them was chatting with Tarquin's squad, but Shepard and Garrus had walked away. Though they were still within visual range, it was as if they were in their own separate world. And, though it was obvious that they were speaking about the bomb, it was in the way that Garrus smiled at Shepard, and the way she returned it, that gave them away. 

Tarquin shook his head. 

 _They're in love_ , he thought. But it wasn't the fact that one of his own kind was in love with a human, it was that he felt he had nothing to compare it to. Something so simple - Vakarian and Shepard had communicated the intensity of their connection through a look only - was something so perplexing. 

Tarquin had never been in love, though he was looking forward to the day when he'd find it, and he always thought that he'd find love like his parents had had... but now he wasn't so sure. His father had never looked at his mother like that. He'd never seen the same spark between his parents as he'd seen between Vakarian and Shepard; however, he could recall only twice where his father had looked at anything with any sort of passion - his favourite rifle and the small token he'd always carried with him. Tarquin had only seen the token a few times, and when he'd asked his mother about it, she'd gotten sad and silent and changed the subject quickly. He'd never thought of it again... until now. 

The shuttle jostled him and his armour clacked against the armour of his XO sitting beside him. It startled him, and he felt slightly embarrassed that he'd become so distracted.

"Quite a fight that Commander Shepard put up," one of his men was saying. 

"She's brutal," another admired, "watching her fight is like watching a vid. And with Vakarian and Lieutenant Vega with her... those Reaper bastards never stood a chance."

"Shepard knows what she's doing. She saved us all," Tarquin chimed in. "We owe her our lives."

"Yes, sir," agreed his XO. Then, with a sly smile, he said, "Did anyone else notice her and Vakarian afterward?"

"Yeah. You hadn't heard about that?"

"Nah. Are they together?"

"Not sure, but they're obviously sleeping together. You could cut the connection between those two with a fucking blade."

"I think they're in love," Tarquin blurted. 

"Sir..."

"He's right, Tertius. Did you see how they were looking at each other?"

Tarquin nodded. "Yes. But I'd also like to know why we're speaking about Vakarian's love life when we should be focused on the mission. He outranks all of us combined, and I doubt he'd be happy if he found out that you were adding to scuttlebutt."

His XO nodded and the rest of his squad shut up immediately. 

"Yes, sir."

*****

" _Tarquin? Son, is that you?_ "

"Yeah, Dad, I'm here."

" _Glad to hear that you're all right._ "

"Commander Shepard is the one to thank, Dad. If it weren't for her, Vakarian, and Vega we'd have been dead in the water. She... helped me to convince my men to carry on."

" _I'll be sure to express my gratitude_."

"Dad, can I ask you something? As your son - off the record?"

" _Of course, Tarquin."_

"Are Commander Shepard and Garrus Vakarian... uh, together?"

Victus paused. " _Yes. They are_."

"I thought so. It's obvious that they care for each other greatly."

" _Why are you asking, son_?"

"I have larger things to focus on, I know. But seeing them together today has made me think. I want that. I thought I wanted what you and mom had, but you two never had that."

" _Where is this coming from?_ " Victus stammered, taken aback. He was certain that his son didn't mean for it to be hurtful, but it was.

"I don't know, really. It's just been bugging me since we got off of Tuchanka. The way Shepard and Vakarian looked at each other... well, hell, you never looked at mom like that. I've only seen you stare like that at that damn token you take everywhere with you."

Victus' hand instinctively went to the token in his pocket, and he sighed, " _I'm not sure what you want me to say, Tarquin. I..."_

"Look, I don't want to dwell on this. Right now, my focus has to be this mission. But... promise me that you'll tell me everything about that thing after I get back. Deal?"

" _Yes, of course. Good luck_."

"Thank you. I'll speak with you later. Tarquin out."

Tarquin sighed as he signed off of the comm with his father. He felt odd, and he wasn't sure if it was nerves for the coming mission to Tuchanka, or because of the conversation that he'd had with his father. It had left a sour taste in his mouth, and he couldn't shake the restless feeling it was giving him. He felt... angry. 

He'd always felt that his father was keeping something from him, especially after his mother had died. It was as if his father had something constantly on the tip of his tongue, but he could never bring himself to spit it out. Perhaps there had never been the right time. It had never bothered Tarquin this much, but the intense connection between Shepard and Vakarian made him jealous and reflective; he always thought that he'd find the kind of love that his parents had, but now he was saddened to say that the spark so evident between Garrus and Shepard had never been present between his mother and father. 

It wasn't that he didn't believe that his father ever loved his mother; Tarquin knew that his mother was very much loved. He'd had a blessed childhood, and there had been more happy times than bad... until his mother died. His father had retreated and grieved inwardly, never showing his emotions in the way a hardened turian soldier was expected to. Even still, Tarquin knew how much the loss had hurt his father. His mother had been a vibrant, smart woman, who sometimes shone so brightly you had to shield your eyes, and Tarquin could remember his father and him being enthralled by her. But, looking back, it often seemed like his father wasn't always so impressed with his mother's glow - it was as if his father had seen something brighter. 

And then there was that damn token that his father was never without. It usually came out during tough times, arguments, or he'd seen his father just randomly weaving it among his fingers during down time. He'd always been curious about it, but he'd never asked until now... but, then, he wasn't sure that he'd be coming out of this on the other side, or if his father would actually tell him everything about that stupid medallion. The feeling throbbed in his chest; it was growing more and more irritating by the second. He needed to know more. He flicked on his omnitool.

"Hello, General Corinthus? Tarquin Victus here."

_"What can I do for you, Tarquin?"_

"Do you have a minute? I have some personal questions... about my father."

Corinthus paused, and Tarquin could see the man's face fall slightly even though the connection wasn't great.

"General Corinthus?"

Corinthus sighed and rubbed his eyes. He seemed to take stock and then settle in,  _"I'll tell you what you ask about, Tarquin, but I want you to know this first: you can still be haunted by old ghosts."_

Tarquin nodded. "I understand."

Corinthus took a deep breath and began to tell Tarquin the secret that he'd been keeping for Victus, his cherished friend, all these years. And Tarquin just listened, a mixture of shock, surprise, and sympathy washing over him as Corinthus relayed the story to him.

 _Anna_. So that was the silent name he'd seen on his father's lips every time he looked at the token. Every time his hand had gone into his pocket and the medallion had come out, he'd said her name.

"Does he know that you know?" Tarquin asked after Corinthus had finished.

" _No. And I'd like for it to stay that way._ "

"Of course." There was a pause, and then Tarquin asked, "Did my mother know?"

Corinthus looked sad. " _Yes, she did_."

"And yet she still married him?" A horrible thought came to Tarquin then: "Do you think that he ever loved her?"

" _Son, your father loved your mother. Don't ever question that. You know that your father never would have entered into a relationship with her if he didn't_."

"He just didn't love her as much as he loved this Anna."

Corinthus sighed, " _I don't believe that there was ever a love greater than the love your father shared with Anna. But you know that your father loved your mother. Very much!_ "

"I know, General. It's just so much to take in."

" _It was for me at the time, too. But I knew your father then as the same man he is now, and he is a good man._ "

"He is," Tarquin agreed. "Did they ever find out who killed her?"

" _No_ ," Corinthus sighed, " _your father tried to get them to investigate, but the primarch and councillor then just wanted it to go away. They ended up pinning it on this Private... uh, Andreas, I think, but he wasn't even on the moon when it happened. Your father suspected Desolas Arterius for years, but could never prove anything_."

"Huh," Tarquin said, his brow furrowed.

" _Don't dwell on this, Tarquin. Remember what I said_."

"I won't. Thank you. I really appreciate this."

" _Corinthus out_."

As Tarquin signed off of the comm, he sat back in his chair, exhausted. He felt like he should be angry at his father for keeping the story from him, but he wasn't angry or upset or even irritated. He felt... satiated, as if he'd just consumed a large, satisfying meal.

Of course, his heart broke for his late mother. It explained why she hadn't wanted to tell him about his father's token when he'd asked. He wondered how it had felt knowing that, to the man she'd loved before anything else, she had always been his second choice.

His heart broke for his father, too. To have everything ripped out from under you at a moment's notice would have been soul-crushing. Tarquin wasn't sure that he would have been strong enough to move on, especially after finding the woman he loved dead. It would have made him hard and brutal, but his father had always been the most solid, pragmatic, steadfast man he'd ever known. And, after hearing Corinthus' secret, Tarquin was certain that his father was certainly the strongest man he knew. It made him proud to call him his father, and it gave him great faith in his father as primarch.

As he walked towards his bunk, preparing himself mentally for the assuredly difficult mission in the morning, Tarquin felt like he had closure. For the first time in his life, he finally felt as if he understood his father.

***

When it came to mourning, Victus had never been any good at it, though he could say that he'd experienced every kind of grief possible. But this grief was new. It was coupled with an immense sense of pride for his son's sacrifice, a deep sense of injustice at his son's life being cut so short, and a tremendous amount of guilt. He was supposed to protect Tarquin, but he'd failed. Just like he'd failed Anna, and just like he'd failed Linnea.

He braced himself against the console in the War Room, pleading with his face not to show the way that his insides were being torn apart. Victus turned to leave so that he wouldn't begin to keen in public, but he stopped in his tracks when he noticed that Wrex was coming at him at full-speed.

"What the hell just happened down there, Primarch?" Wrex growled, his fists clenched. His body language was frightening, and Victus could sense that the krogan was trying very hard to keep some kind of composure.

Victus felt his own anger well up in his gut. It wasn't Wrex's fault; it was mostly anger at himself. He took a steadying breath.

"We couldn't risk another galactic war with the krogan!" he hissed.

"The genophage wasn't enough? You had to plant a bomb on my planet?"

"The decision was made hundred of years ago. So much has changed!"

Wrex was stewing. "Not enough to tell us about the bomb, coward!"

"Hey!" Shepard's voice was low, but it surprised them both. "We can't let the past rip us apart. Working together, we have a chance."

Beside him, Wrex shut up. It was obvious that Shepard intimidated him. Victus only half-listened to her as she spoke sternly to the both of them, at a loss for words of what to say to her. She looked very angry, and it intimidated the hell out of him, too.

"It's over! His own son died today making this right!" Shepard told Wrex.

Victus held up his hands. "Please, Commander, it's all right."

Wrex sighed, "Yes, fine, Shepard, you made your point. We have bigger enemies to face."

Shepard's face wrenched into a pained look, and she turned to look at the hologram of the Crucible. "Yes, we do."

Wrex let out a huff of air, giving Shepard a look, and then turned to walk away.

"I understand your reservations before, Commander, but I hope you now understand the secrecy," he said to her, watching as Wrex lumbered back to his console.

"Secrets get people killed. You've learned that the hard way," she snapped.

Victus took a deep breath; he'd learned that lesson one too many times. "The hardest lesson I'm ever to learn, Commander."

Shepard took her own deep breath and stared at him. She turned to leave, but he stopped her.

"One more thing, Commander. My son... he died with the respect of his men. I wanted to thank you for that. His sacrifice will be recorded in the histories of the Ninth Platoon. It's all a turian father could ask for."

She nodded at him, her voice tight. "Yes, sir."

He walked towards the console once more and noticed that Shepard had stuck around. Her face had softened, and she seemed to be studying him.

"Despite everything, Primarch, I am sorry for your loss."

He nodded at her, knowing that she could read the grief in his eyes. "I appreciate it. But this is war. The time for mourning is later. Is there something you need?"


	23. Coming Clean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“Love, it never dies. It never goes away, it never fades, so long as you hang onto it.”_   
>  – Gayle Forman, from ‘If I Stay’

"Stop fussing at it, Garrus!"

"Solana..."

"Dad, he keeps fussing with his collar!"

"Leave him be, Solana," Tate Vakarian said in a low voice, "the man is about to become joined... uh, married... I was this nervous when your mother and I had our ceremony!"

Solana Vakarian sighed, "I'm going to go check in on Kate. You're all hopeless."

Garrus looked up worriedly. "Don't tell her how nervous I am!"

"No promises," Solana sang as she sauntered out of the room.

Victus chuckled at the nervous turian in front of him. "I can imagine that Shepard is likely just as nervous as you are, Garrus."

Tate snorted, "That woman is about as unmovable as some turian generals in every other area except for this whole wedding thing. I've never known her to become so flustered over something so simple."

Victus smiled to himself, remembering how out of sorts Shepard had been after she'd come for him on Menae. She'd been so relieved to see Garrus that she'd tripped over most of her words - a rare sight. Victus was certain that Shepard didn't have many weaknesses, but if he had to name one it was Garrus Vakarian. 

Tate patted his son on the shoulder. "All you have to do is stand there and say those words to her - what did she call them?"

"Vows," Garrus breathed.

"And then it's over. The Primarch here will announce you as joined and then you go back to normalcy... well, and then back to Earth for the gala, but at least there will be alcohol there," Tate chuckled. 

Garrus smiled at his father. "I'm glad you're here, Dad. Thanks."

Tate nodded and shook his son's hand. "Of course. Now, I'm going to go check in on Admiral Hackett. That man has been jumping around like he's on pins and needles since he got here. Adrien, see you on the other side."

Victus returned the nod and watched the elder Vakarian walk from the room. He turned to Garrus, who was staring at himself in the mirror, his hands clasped together nervously.

"Odd to see you so dressed up, Vakarian," Victus teased, "I was certain that you'd try to convince Shepard to let you wear your armour."

Garrus shrugged, "I tried, believe me. It would be more comfortable than this... uh, the humans call it a 'monkey suit', but she's the boss."

"Well, I'm sure she'll appreciate the effort."

"Hope so."

"Vakarian, I want you to know that I'm very proud of you and I'm proud to be a part of this occasion. Even after all that you've accomplished, this day will be the most important. Now, I'm not saying don't screw it up, but..."

"Don't screw it up?" Garrus laughed, "Yes, sir!"

Victus laughed, "That's the way, soldier!"

"Do you remember your joining day, sir?"

"Yes."

"Were you as nervous as I am?"

Victus shifted uncomfortably. "No, I wasn't."

Garrus gave him a surprised look. "What? How could you not be? Joining with someone you love... in front of all those people."

"I loved Linnea, yes, but… she wasn’t my first choice."

"Oh. I'm sorry, sir."

"No. It's quite all right. She loved me and I did love her, but my heart was always with someone else."

"Was it an arranged marriage?"

Victus looked at Garrus again and noticed that the man had relaxed slightly and was looking at him intently. He'd stopped fussing with his collar.

"No," Victus answered hesitantly, "it wasn't. Linnea was a suitable mate, so I asked her to join with me about two years after the war with the humans. Tarquin was born the year after that. I wasn't able to ask the woman I really wanted..."

"I'm sorry. I understand if you don’t want to talk about this," Garrus said, “But I do appreciate the distraction.”

“I haven't really spoken about it with anyone, but I suppose that you're likely the only turian that would understand."

"Oh?"

"During the war, I was stationed at an underground command centre here on Menae. We captured a human marine; she became my responsibility and eventually... I fell in love with her."

Garrus stared at him. 

Victus continued, "Over time she fell in love with me, too. We even had a plan to run away together. Then the war ended and the treaties were signed, and all POWs were ordered released. I was ecstatic - we could finally be together - but when I went to her cell... she'd been killed."

"What?" Garrus blurted. 

Victus nodded, pushing back the image of Anna lying on the ground, her eyes open and tear-filled, and her red blood pooling around her head. 

"She had been shot. I never found out who, but I had my suspicions."

"Sir, I am so sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. It's terrible to burden you with this on your joining day. You're the only one I've ever told... even Tarquin didn't know."

"What was her name, sir?" Garrus asked softly. 

"Anna," he replied, whispering her name.

Victus closed his eyes, his breath hitching as he was flooded with the intense memories and emotions of their brief love affair and then, her death.

He remembered his hopes for the two of them, even amidst everything that stood between them: waking up beside her every day, exploring the galaxy together, being able to kiss her without fear of anyone discovering them... he had so many dreams. And, then, he remembered having it all yanked away from him. He'd thought that nothing could ever come between them, but he'd been proven wrong by one bullet. Just one bullet.

He remembered his agony when he'd found her body, and then the days and years afterward. There was the burning feeling he felt in his chest when he woke up each morning after he died, his mind slowly realizing that he wouldn't be able to walk into the detention centre and find her there. And, when he'd returned to Palaven, the empty, cold side of the bed where he'd hoped she would have laid beside him mirroring the empty, cold hole that her death had left inside of him. Victus could recall the moments of sheer panic when he'd thought he'd forgotten the colour of Anna's eyes, or the sound of her laugh, the sound of her voice, or the feeling that her smile had given him. The moments after he'd married Linnea when she'd asked what he was thinking about after he'd zoned out, and he'd had to lie, the bile rising in his throat as he had to look his wife in the eye and tell her that he was thinking of something else and not the woman who'd he'd always love more than her.

He'd fought so hard to keep his memories from Anna from fading that he realized that he'd allowed others to fall by the wayside. His memories of Linnea were fuzzy, even his memories of his own son had faded. He mourned those memories; it was as if they had been a separate entity, and having them fade was like watching Linnea fade from the cancer, or being told that Tarquin had sacrificed himself all over again.

"Primarch?" Garrus' voice brought him back to reality.

Victus studied the man's nervous face and straightened up. Garrus was about to experience one of the most important days of his life - one of the proudest, most sacred memories he would create - and Victus was going to be a part of it.

"I'm proud to be here for you, Garrus. This is going to be one of the best days of your life," he repeated.

Garrus turned to the mirror again and sighed, straightening his suit, trying to slow his breathing.

Victus swore to himself then that these memories, and the ones he was sure to make in the future, would not fade. The difference between grieving someone and the impact they'd made on him and honouring them was starkly apparent to him. It was a tragedy that it was only occurring to him now, watching the man he considered family prepare to finally join with the human woman he loved. It was what Victus had dreamed for himself, but now he felt privileged and incredibly honoured to watch Garrus' own dreams come true.

Garrus moved towards him and patted him on the back. "I'm honoured that you chose to share that with me, sir. And please know that I am so, so sorry for your loss."

"Thank you. Cherish this day, Vakarian... cherish your relationship with Shepard. Human women can be undeniably frustrating, but they are the most fascinating, incredible creatures this galaxy has created."

"I will, sir. And thank you."

"Garrus? Primarch Victus?" Solana's head appeared in the doorway. "It's time."


	24. Flashbacks and Futures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _"Never fear, no, never fear._  
>  _So let your heart hold fast, for this soon shall pass._  
>  _There’s another hill ahead."_  
>  \- Fort Atlantic, from ‘Let Your Heart Hold Fast’

"Primarch? You awake?"

"Wha-? Oh, yes! I'm sorry, Garrus, I must have dozed off."

"I envy you. They're about to open gifts now, sir. And London has requested that you sit next to her."

Victus smiled. "Has she, now?"

"Yes, sir. If it's too much..."

"Vakarian, your family is the closest thing I've got left to family of my own. London and David are like grandchildren to me. I'm happy to step into the pseudo-grandfather role, regardless of my diplomatic position. And stop calling me 'sir', damn it."

Garrus laughed and nodded. "Yes, s- uh, Adrien. Meet you in the other room."

Victus walked towards the raucous sounds of the birthday party and smiled to himself as he heard London's voice pipe up, "No, Jona, that's not nice! You shouldn't say mean things to other people."

As he neared the room, he heard a small cry coming from the kitchen. He stuck his head around the doorway and noticed David sitting in his high chair, squawking at his mother and father who were standing in front of him, speaking softly to each other. 

Shepard gave her son a loving smile as she picked him up and wiped his mouth. "What a messy eater!" she cooed. 

David gave a loud cry and reached for his father, shoving his little hand in his mother's face and catching her in the eye. 

"Oof!" Shepard grunted, handing the toddler to Garrus. "Your son is a trouble-maker."

David settled into Garrus' arms and yawned. 

"Ah, good," Garrus chuckled, "the trouble-maker is ready for bed."

"I can take him if you want to start opening gifts."

"No, Kate, you go ahead. I'll put David to bed and head back down. London won't even notice my absence."

"She will!"

"Nah. She's been all about the Primarch tonight. He's her new favourite. I think it's making my dad a little jealous, though."

Shepard gave Garrus a slight smile and cradled her hands on her stomach, "Well... I was going to wait to tell you, but soon there'll be another Vakarian to hog all of the attention."

Garrus' eyes lit up and he gave Shepard a broad, beaming smile, "You're pregnant?"

Shepard nodded and Garrus swept her up in a warm embrace, leaning down to kiss her. 

"Daddy!" David protested in his father's arms, pushing away from his parents' embrace.

Garrus smiled at his son and pulled back from his wife to give him a hug. "Ready to be a big brother?"

David stared at his dad and let out a giggle, "Baby!"

"Yeah, a new baby!" Shepard laughed, tenderly smoothing David's hair back. 

The way Garrus was looking at his wife was so full of love and utter adoration that it was almost too much for Victus to bear. He remembered being that head-over-heels in love with Anna... how he envied what Vakarian had with Shepard. They were such a perfect fit; they seemed to just effortlessly glide through life, despite all of the hardships that they’d had to overcome.

Victus looked on for a few more moments, his heart slowly breaking and self-pity daring to sneak in. He imagined himself in Vakarian’s place, and Anna in Shepard’s, cooing over their children and preparing for the next chapter of their lives… together.

It wasn’t written in the stars for him, he realized, but it was for Shepard and Garrus. And, he told himself sternly, he was privileged to witness it and to be a part of their lives, regardless of how empty his sometimes felt without Anna.

“Victus? You all right?” Garrus’ voice snapped him back to reality.

“Oh, yes! Sleeping whilst standing, I suppose,” Victus chuckled. “I checked out there for a moment. I did overhear the great news, though – congratulations! I’m excited to meet the next Vakarian child.”

Garrus beamed. “It’s pretty amazing. I couldn’t be happier. Shepard is a fantastic mother.”

“And you are a great father.”

“Thank you, sir. Are you sure that you’re all right? You look sad almost.”

“Moments like these,” Victus sighed, “remind me how lucky I am because I have so much, but they also remind me of what I’ve lost. It’s bittersweet at times, but that’s just my self-pity taking over.”

Garrus gave a knowing nod. “Anna?”

“Yes,” Victus whispered.

“Can I tell you something? When I thought Kate was dead after the Reapers were destroyed, I was a bundle of grief and self-pity; I couldn’t even get out of her bed on the Normandy. It’s normal. I couldn’t imagine a life without her because I couldn’t even imagine being without her. But, sir, there’s something that I found that is so very easy to forget: because we love them more than we love life itself, we’re never without them.”

Victus resisted the urge to cry as Garrus’ words hit him straight in the heart. Spirits, Garrus was right. Anna was always with him; she had been even as he’d painstaking grieved and fought to keep her memory alive all these years. He looked at Garrus silently, unable to form words.

Garrus smiled at him and patted him comfortingly on the back. “Take as much time as you need, but remember that you’ll be suffering the wrath of London if you don’t help her at least open one gift.”

“I’ll be right there,” Victus managed to say.

It had taken many, many years, but finally he felt free. Garrus, the man who had been through more hell than Victus could have ever imagined, had almost had the world ripped out from under him, but he’d kept his head above the water with one, simple thought that, even if his love was no longer physically beside him, he’d never be alone.

_Because we love them, we’re never without them._

The same was true of himself, Victus thought, and he momentarily felt an immense amount of regret over the years he’d spent in a grief-clouded haze.

He straightened up and grasped the air beside him, imagining it was Anna’s hand, and let go. She’d be with him always, but now there were the people that he loved waiting on him in the other room, and he wasn’t about to miss another minute.


	25. Paying Respects

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“Somewhere deep in the fabric of reality, our actions are recorded and remembered. And somewhere deep within the fabric of reality, that choice will be remember for eternity.”_  
>  – Padok Wiks, Mass Effect III

As Victus walked up the steps towards the human War Memorial in Vancouver, he suddenly felt self-conscious. It wasn't that he stood out as many turians were now calling Earth home, but that he felt guilty that he didn't visit his wife's grave with the same level of grief that he had when he visited the memorial and thought of Anna. 

"Primarch Victus?"

Damn. He thought he'd be incognito. He turned. 

"Oh! Kate! I didn't think it was you!"

Shepard smiled and hugged him. "Good to see you. What are you doing here?"

"Uh, just paying my respects. How about you? I didn't expect to see you on Earth."

"I was here 'talking' to my dad. He died at Shanxi when I was three, and I come here to tell him about what's been going on. You know... his spirit. Plus, I've been in meetings at Alliance Command all week. Heading home tomorrow, though. You were here for the leader's conference?"

"Yes. It's been a productive conference."

"Good to hear. Hey, roses..." Shepard said, noticing the flowers in his hand, "my favourites. My dad had one pressed and framed for my mom years ago. She still has it I'm sure."

"I had a... friend... who told me about them. They were her favourites."

"Is that who you're here to... uh, visit?"

Victus nodded. "I'm sure Garrus told you about Anna."

Shepard gave him a confused look. "Sir? I thought your wife's name was Linnea?"

"Ah. So he didn't tell you."

Shepard gestured to a bench and they sat. Victus could understand why his people would choose to settle here - the warm sea breeze carrying a slight salty scent throughout the air and the sun gently warmed his face. It was really quite lovely. 

"No, he didn't," Shepard said, her eyes inquisitive, "are you all right, Primarch?"

Victus sighed. It was good to talk about this... especially with Shepard or Vakarian. He began to relay the entire story to Shepard, watching her face as it went through the stages of happiness, surprise, sorrow, and pity. But, as he heard himself talk about it, he heard Garrus' words in his head about never being without their loves, and realized that he had always looked upon his life as a tragedy. But that, in itself, was a tragedy. He'd spent more time living in his memory of Anna than living in his own, real life. He'd paid more attention to her memory than the real, flesh-and-blood people in his life. But there was still a piece of him that couldn't let go of Anna... that wouldn't let go of her.

"I look at you and Garrus and see what you have together, and I envy you," Victus said, looking towards the memorial, slightly embarrassed.

"But you would never have had your son if you'd been with Anna. Tarquin would have never existed. Your entire relationship with Linnea would never have existed, and you loved her too, right?"

"Yes."

"Despite everything that's happened, Primarch, it sounds like you've had a life surrounded by love."

He looked her in the eye and smiled at her earnestness. "I... suppose I have, Kate. Thank you."

"Well, Primarch," Shepard said, standing up and rolling her shoulder, "I should really get back. I have to pack up my stuff and then find some things for the kids. They go crazy if I go anywhere and don't bring them something back. Except London thinks that she's too old for souvenirs now, but I know that she still loves getting them."

He stood up and shook her hand, "Please call me Adrien, Kate. You and your family are what I've got left."

Shepard patted him on the shoulder, trying to hide the sadness in her eyes. "You're a part of the family, Adrien. Take care of yourself."

Victus nodded at her and then squared his shoulder and took a deep breath. He took a step towards the memorial.

"Adrien?" 

He turned to see that Shepard had turned back towards him.

"You're still surrounded by love, you know."

"Thank you."

***

Victus walked towards the wall memorial, feeling slightly self-conscious and clutching the roses tighter in his hand. But he was focused on finding Anna's name. He drew a few odd looks from the mostly human crowd, but he ignored them, scanning the white wall. It shocked him how many names were scrawled on the memorial, and his mind flashed back to ANN's feature about the release of the POWs and Anna's parents searching for her. He imagined her parents getting the news of her death and then visiting her name here, staring up at the stark, white wall and knowing that it would never come close to celebrating the bright, vibrant light that was their daughter. 

Suddenly, he found her name and he felt the air rush out of him. It seemed to jump out of the wall at him. He stepped closer to the wall and traced the letters of her name, feeling as if he was going to collapse in on himself. He stood there for a few moments, feeling as if he were in a bubble, until he came out of it, the noise of his surroundings bringing him back to reality. A young girl to his right looked up to him and smiled at him.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"Charlotte, please don't bug the man," her mother said, coming up to her. "I'm so sorry, sir."

"No, please, it's okay," Victus said, bending down to the girl, "My name's Adrien. Is your name Charlotte?"

The girl nodded shyly. "Yes. Are you here to pray?"

"Something like that. I'm here to say hello to my... uh, friend."

"I'm here to pray to my grandpa. I never met him."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Mom says it's called 'paying your respects'. Who was your friend?"

"She was a soldier."

"Someone that you loved?"

"Yes," he whispered, "very much."

Charlotte smiled and copied him, running her hand over the names on the wall. Her mother called for her, but she lingered for a moment. She smiled back up at him and touched his hand softly. "She's your angel, then, sir."

Victus smiled and watched her skip away and then turned back to the wall. He didn't say anything, but put the flowers on the steps below Anna's name and looked back up at it and sighed. Perhaps he was finally ready to let her go; she'd been living in his head for so long that maybe it was finally time that she moved out. Maybe it was finally time for him to stop hogging her memory. He needed to let her rest. He felt like he should say something, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything. He left the roses and backed his way down the stairs, heading for the exit.

He met eyes with a few people as he walked by them, nodding at them as they smiled back. He put his hand in his pocket, and his heart lurched as his fingers touched the familiar metal of Anna's medallion in it. He pulled it out and placed it in his palm, rubbing it over with his finger. The metal was shiny from his consistent handling, and any engravings that had ever graced the surface of the medallion had been worn down and had disappeared. He stood in the middle of the memorial and stared at the medallion on his hand for what felt like ages, reliving and remembering each memory. Yes, it was time to let go.

Victus placed it beside the roses and looked up at Anna's name on the wall again. He touched it one last time, and then looked back at the medallion. He was going to let go, even though it felt like he was leaving a piece of his heart behind.

"Goodbye, Anna."

 


	26. Graduation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“Life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.”_  
>  – Rossiter Worthington Raymond

The air in Vancouver was crisp as Victus walked alongside the Vakarians toward the Alliance command building, enjoying his time away from his duties and with the family he'd come to ingratiate himself with. 

It was to be a proud day: London Vakarian was graduating from Basic and they would learn of her first deployment shortly afterwards. He'd been invited to the celebration along with other leaders as a formality, but London had personally called him and asked him to attend, not as the Primarch, but as the pseudo-grandfather he'd become to the Vakarian children. It was to be a proud day.

Victus looked beside him at Shepard fussing with David's collar, and chuckled to himself as David rolled his eyes at his mother and gave his father a knowing look. Garrus laughed and shook his head at his son. 

"Mom, stop it. No one's going to be looking at me anyways; they're all going to be fawning over London," David sighed. 

"Doesn't matter," Shepard said curtly, patting his collar into place. 

"Everyone's always fawning over London," the youngest Vakarian child, Alexander Thane, groaned, "She's not even that special!" 

Shepard gave Garrus a look and then chuckled and ruffled David's hair slightly, careful not to completely ruin it. "She's special. You all are."

David ducked from his mother's touch. "Mom!"

"You're embarrassing the kid," Garrus told his wife teasingly. 

"Too bad!" Shepard teased, reaching for David again, but the fast teenager had run away from her to catch up with Hannah Shepard and Tate and Solana Vakarian a few strides ahead of them. 

Shepard laughed and then fell into step with Garrus behind her, grabbing his hand and smiling at him. He returned the smile and leaned in to nuzzle her cheek, making her giggle. Alex gave his parents a disgusted look and quickened his pace to walk beside Victus. 

"Hey, Grandpa," Alex said.

"Alex," Victus replied.

"Have my parents always been this gross?"

"They love each other," Victus said simply.

"Ugh. Can't they at least stop acting like teenagers in public? It's embarrassing."

Victus laughed and put his arm around the young boy. "Son, they've earned the right to act however they want. You should be glad that they're not acting like krogan teenagers."

Alex gave him an odd look, but didn't say anything. Victus knew that he'd heard the stories of the war and his parents’ roles in them. He knew that Alex knew just how very lucky he was to simply be existing; the scars on Shepard's face and limbs were a constant reminder of how lucky they all were. 

***

Victus hung back with Hannah, Tate, and Solana as they watched London and her family answer questions to the press after the graduation ceremony had ended. London was a striking sight in her dress blues, and she looked to be handling the reporters with grace and ease after her mother's example.

The pride among the grandparents and Solana was palpable, and they had congratulated each other as if the accomplishment had been their own. Now, however, they watched on in silent pride as London and her family posed for a photo. Garrus was beaming and Shepard's eyes were teary.

Hannah turned to Victus and whispered, "I'm glad that you're here, Primarch. It meant the world to London."

"She's like a granddaughter to me. It's nice to be a part of such a wonderful family. I don't really have family of my own."

She looked at him with pity, but then she straightened up suddenly. "Oh! I almost forgot; I have something for you. We found this in one of our underground bunkers awhile back, and our restoration techs have been working on it for a while now. It had been in Hackett's care until he retired last week, and he'd forgotten about it until then. He gave it to me to give to you."

"What is it?" Victus asked, surprised when she gave him a mid-sized, yellow envelope with his name scrawled on it in English script.

"I'm not sure. I think that it’s a data pad. Hackett didn't give me many details, but our techs believe that it's a relic from the First Contact War. This envelope is new, but the original apparently had your name on it."

"Thank you," Victus muttered, his heart beating fast. He tucked the envelope into his coat and refocused on the scene at hand, pride once again pouring through him.

***

Victus sat up in the bed in the guest room at the Vakarian home, staring down at the envelope with his name scribbled across it. He had an inkling that he knew what it was, but he wasn’t sure that opening it wouldn’t be like tearing open an old wound.

The suspense was killing him, though, so he tore open the envelope and carefully removed the old, scratched data pad from the envelope and turned it on. On the screen below him was a long letter, written in what he’d come to recognize as human English script, but he wouldn’t be able to read it. He tapped the screen, hoping that the data pad contained translation software. He was lucky; it did.

_Adrien,_

_This is harder to write than I thought. I’m not even sure how to begin. Corinthus reluctantly gave me this data pad to get this out, but I think it’s been scrubbed so that I can’t rig it somehow to send a message to the Alliance. Not that I would anyways. I hope that this gets to you and that you can understand it. Even if it doesn’t, this is something that I felt I could never speak to you – it’s easier to put into words._

_I don’t think that I’m going to survive here. This feeling grows every day I wake up. I can’t explain it. I want so much to see what we talked about – being together, away from it all. And I would_ _give anything to guarantee that I’ll always be by your side, but I can’t._

_So, when all my days have been spent, and all my cards have been dealt, I want you to remember one simple thing: I love you. I will always love you. And, even though we only had such a short time together, you will always be the great love of my life._

_I want so much for you. I want you to be happy. I know that you have many years ahead of you, and I want you to live them in love and happiness. I want you to travel. I want you to live the life you’ve always wanted. And I don’t want you to do it for me, but for yourself. You are going to do great things, and please know that, no matter what happens to me, I will be there to cheer you on, and I wish that I could by your side to hold your hand for the rest of our lives, but I know that I’ll always be within your own heart._

_I’ll meet you again one day, my love._

_Thank you for loving me._

_I love you. Always._

_Anna_

He stared at the data pad, feeling his stomach turn into knots from the amalgamation of emotions that hit him like a massive freighter. The grief was still there, oh yes, but he could feel Anna’s love radiating through the screen and surrounding him like a blanket. His soul felt exposed, but not vulnerable, and he smiled to himself as he set the data pad down on the bedside table. Victus leaned back against the headboard and closed his eyes, losing himself in his fondest memories of Anna, but finally allowing himself to revisit the memories he had of Linnea and Tarquin, too. Even though he’d lived most of his life clouded in grief, he’d led a charmed, happy existence. Sure, it had been missing a particular human woman, but it had been a life that many only dreamed of. He only wished that he could go back and tell his younger self this. It was possible to let go.

A knock at the door startled him, and his eyes flew open. London stood in the doorway, still clad in her dress blues. “Hey Grandpa. Or, should I say, Primarch.”

“You don’t have to worry about ever calling me that, except in a formal capacity. Grandpa is just fine, dear. What do you need?”

“I wanted to let you know that it meant a lot to me that you were there for me today.”

“I’ll always be there for you.”

London smiled and walked over, sitting on the bed, her eyes drifting to the data pad on the table. “Whatcha doing?”

“Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“About how lucky I am to be called ‘grandpa’ by you and your brothers.”

She giggled and then snuggled in beside him. “You’re a pretty awesome grandpa.”

“Thank you, dear. You’re a pretty awesome granddaughter.”

“Grandpa Adrien?”

“Yes, London?”

“Tell me a story?”

Victus paused for a moment. He looked over at the datapad on the beside table and smiled. “Okay, I’ll tell you a story. It’s a love story. There’s bloodshed, tears, and heartbreak, but…” he trailed off, giving his granddaughter’s head a fond kiss, “… in the end, though, there is happiness.”

* * *

 

_And darling, when your feet are cold_

_Wait up, I’m coming home_

_And all of you, I will hold_

_My love will clothe your bones._

_\- Josh Record, from ‘Bones’_


End file.
